Rock Stars of Easter

Our Sunday school rockstar dance troupe rocked everyone's socks off!

(see Titus on the bottom left, watching the show?)

Our number was 这一生最美的祝福, "Life's Most Beautiful Blessing"

Song selection, t-shirt design and light-up stars was the vision of yours truly.

Choreography compliments of other teachers. (I slopped dance together but they didn't like it...hehe.)

Translation:

In countless dark nights I use the stars to portray you

Your grace, like the morning stars, really let me see you

In my songs I use musical notes to praise you

Your beauty I praise all my life

This is life's most beautiful blessing: just to know the Lord Jesus

This is life's most beautiful blessing: just to rely on the Lord Jesus

In the valley of the tallest mountain

He will go with me

I know this is life's most beautiful blessing

Christmas and Easter performances are a tradition in our community.

At first we thought they were kinda a pointless waste of energy.

Several years into this gig we have come to appreciate the value of a family coming together using talents, creativity, skills, music, dance, and tons of cooperation.

Making a big, homemade, joyful deal out of Jesus.

He is a big deal!

We're gonna dance it. And sing it. 

And fake marching-band it.

Who, in the brainstorming sesh exclaimed, "I know! For the Easter show, let's do a fake marching band dance to Handel's Messiah!"

Told ya it's creative.

Rest of the show was pretty traditional and very lovely.

I personally am grateful to this community for giving me a creative outlet were I can together with a family express joy over Jesus in music, color and movement.

It's inspiring and internally fortifying to watch others employ their abilities to return the lovin' to him. Knowing how much he likes us his kiddos, Pops must have thought our show was pretty cute. 

Felt his smile.

counting the graces

thank you Father for

four part-days at Butterfly Home, to get reconnected with people and the work here

children healed of ear infection and pink eye

riding a new bicycle that's lightweight and efficient through city traffic

times with Li Ci, and though her speech impediment prevents me from understanding 90% of what she says, that 10% is still golden

collective prayers of repentance as a family

meeting you in quiet thoughts just here and there throughout the day

joy imagining Showmans and Linns together

cradled between mountain and river, sun low on horizon on a Sunday evening

Grace is tough to accept if you've never known it

FEAR

Walking a rough road with our neighbors has been our honor for the past few months.

Our neighbors' 18 month-old niece, Xuan Xuan, had serious heart problems related to Down Syndrome. Xuan Xuan, her mommy, daddy and grandparents live in a rural community a few hours away from our city. They have been staying with our neighbors, their family, for a couple months so Xuan Xuan could access treatment in Changsha. 

We've known about Xuan Xuan since she was born, but I believe this is only the second time we've met her as they seldom visit. Our neighbors have wanted to talk with us about issues related Xuan Xuan's condition and special needs since we also have a special needs kid and are connected with Butterfly Home. We tried to encourage them that they're doing a brave, right, albeit countercultural thing raising Xuan Xuan with dignity.

There have been talks about the inherent value of all children and clarification of genetics misconceptions. My neighbor, the not-blood-relation aunt of Xuan Xuan became pregnant this past year and was seriously concerned that her baby would have Down Syndrome also. For a few weeks there she was learning toward aborting the baby. Glad we talked through and got past that. She's due in less than a month and they are happy to welcome another child.

DYING

Now back to Xuan Xuan. A big problem with her heart landed her a bed in the ICU for a couple weeks, in isolation. Parents were not allowed in. Doctors said she had a 10% chance of survival. So here's her mom sitting at home weeping, wondering, "Do you think I can donate her organs?" and preparing for imminent death. As her default, lone, untrained counselor, I was trying to help her think through it -- what are special things that you want to do for / with / say to your daughter in these last couple days? And offering deathbed comforts like, "Although her life was short, she was happy and loved by you, you did a good job." 

This all became 100% irrelevant the following week when Xuan Xuan got better.

Next her heart condition was misdiagnosed; major surgery and unmanageable medical costs we anticipated so the family implored us to help locate and acquire financial assistance. I was sending medical records to the Butterfly Home to use their connections for a correct diagnosis. Butterfly was ready to help in any way. Finally our Changsha docs seemingly got it figured out, did a minimally-invasive procedure and for now Xuan Xuan is fine.

LIVING

Xuan Xuan was released from the hospital and came back to our neighbors' home, so we all had a celebratory / goodbye meal together. That night I handed Xuan Xuan's mama a gift of pretty girl dresses (I go all out on the pretty dress gifts because hello, I don't have any daughters myself) and an envelop of financial help from our family and two of my close friends who also knew of Xuan Xuan and had been moved by her story this whole time.

Later that night Xuan Xuan's mom came up to my place, bowed and returned the envelope saying, "We cannot accept this, take it, I haven't yet reached that low place of need." I asked her to come up again the next day and talk.

GRACE

We sat down with mugs of green tea, baby Xuan Xuan on her lap, and had an open talk about feelings, fears, faith, and why she couldn't accept the gift. Basically they felt a reciprocity imbalance, like they'd never be able to repay us. That is totally understandable and respectable. And we totally know they don't "need" the money. But gifts -- grace -- is not earned and not repayable. It's about showing support, kindness, care, letting neighbors and strangers that they are not alone in difficultly, that there are friends and even anonymous people out there who want to share. I tried to convey the meaning:

• Butterfly Home cares for orphans, the orphans can never repay. Many of them die. Grace.

• Drew's salary covers all our needs but sometimes our friends still send us financial gifts, to affirm their agreement and partnership. Grace.

• Group of six moms (my friend's friend's group) with their Down Syndrome kids came to visit Xuan Xuan's mom one night, traveling far just to encourage her. They didn't have to do that. Grace.

• Jonathon had life-saving brain surgery twice, performed by excellent surgeon for no salary and all expenses covered by donors. Grace.

Butterfly Home, our personal supporters, the Down Syndrome moms' group, Jonathon's surgeon and donors -- all four have personally experienced and learned grace from Father, and this experience led them to practice grace. Now isn't that interesting!? We talked about the character of Father. And did a character comparison with her idea of our popular local bodhisattva, who she said she's doubted for a long time, I said me too. ;) She said it was the first time she's ever met someone who believes in this kind of Father. First time she's ever heard this message -- grace, gracious character of Father, people practicing grace because they learned it from Father first. Well. In this mind-blowing introductory talk I did not even mention the overwhelming work of the Son, we were just beginning to consider what is the true nature of Father. In time.

Even though we had that blip with the rejected cash it set us up for an exchange that was much more valuable than money.

TRAIN

Train took them home, but we'll see each other in Changsha again next month when they're back for treatment. Little Xuan Xuan is stable but has more complications that need care.

I am so, so, so very thankful for these good, honest friends who live about ten feet below us, and accept us in to their lives so we can walk these roads together. Good people and good neighbors!

counting the graces

thank you Father for

apartment 507, right below us

at the market, unusual pretty round eggplants for stuffed eggplant

struck today by how the wonders you do even in a week really are too many to recount

friendships at yoga class, especially Gao Jie

laughing with Wang Ayi about our little wooden man and his funny body positions corresponding to my moods

family dancin, especially dancing with Mai Mai during Easter music

love of the parents, all four

learning to be sad, just sad and not angry

Titus' authentic smile

no brokenness ever beyond your ability to heal and restore, ever

14 fresh out of Changsha

Can't remember the last time I was so anxiously anticipating a new release!

 the creation of our good pal Noah

aka The Offshore Accounts --

Full album and lyrics here. Free download here.

There was no sleep in our house until we listened to every track.
You will love this album.

You'll hear vignettes of life in Changsha, all up against the backdrop of living in relation to the Creator -- If you believe in sharing stories of the human experience, if you wanna rock out, if you can relate to sentiments of Chinese life, if you view the world a bit differently that most of the peeps around you, this record will move you.

I tried to make like a Rolling Stone writer and review Cardinal, but I cannot do it succinctly. It's as if Noah gave birth to fourteen babies and I'm trying to describe and summarize all the special characteristics of all fourteen in one paragraph. I can't! It's too much to behold. Pretty mandolin, dirty dobro and crunchy electric guitar all in one song, you've never heard a sound like this before!

Do you know anyone who can do this? One guy writing songs, himself playing and recording a big lineup of instruments, mixing and producing it in his tiny home office in his spare time as a side hobby. Ridiculous. The creativity springing out of everyday people is inspiring.

DO NOT MISS

(Noah was generous and let me sing along on this one!)

Here's Noah at the grill with Drew. That day we had bottles but no bottle-opener so the clippers became our tool. Just in case you're ever in the same pinch, now you know.

I can't mention Noah without also sharing that his wife Naomi has been such an influential person in my life by her example. She is my peer and yet my role model, I admire her character and attitude -- faithful, gentle, supportive, grateful, hard-working, considerate, selfless, generous, smart, frugal, nurturing, patient. She's a native Hunan Chinese, a mother of two little girls with another baby on the way. I see Naomi two or three times every week and each time I can't wait to connect with her. She is a great encourager and a true friend. I love her.

And, certainly the creation and release of Cardinal is owing to her empowerment!

counting the graces

thank you Father for

catching up with Zeng Ting and feeling so comfortable together

a starting conversation with XY

broccoli quiche to greet my husband when he arrived home from work

figuring out a little game and concept to help Jonathon enjoy eating and eat faster

watching Drew when he sleeps

just enough for today

Turning Inward

 The children delighted in having Dr. Caroline visit our home -- all the way from the UK! Last time Caroline saw Jonathon he was tiny and recovering from surgeries. Many loving hands have held Jonathon along his journey. And the best hands are about to come...


Starting now we are in a special time of life: getting ready for Jonathon to go from home here, to home with his adoptive family in the US.

Drew and I are turning inward, protecting our time, and being especially present and attuned to the kids, talking things through, treasuring all our moments together. Being ready and fully feeling it.


Jonathon has been studying his family picture book. He can identify Daddy, Mommy and Tangy the dog. The other faces are familiar and he'll connect the names soon. I don't think he comprehends what is going to happen. Of course not. But we're doing all we can to make him feel safe and secure. We're really optimistic that it's going to be a good transition for him, we believe that this is Father's good plan for him, at the core we are celebrating what's ahead for Jon. His family is awesome. Jonathon will be happy. I can imagine his first days with them -- he will be smiling and laughing, soaking up all the love of new relationships. I can imagine him getting tucked into bed with a full and satisfied feeling in his heart.

Titus and Michael understand a little better what's going to happen. We think they will feel loss, but we believe that this is another cool thing that Father wants to teach them even as they are young boys -- to trust, to join together in caring for orphans, to see their Mom and Dad follow and lean on Jesus, to be thankful and see how much goodness has been poured out into Jon's life and theirs too.

Drew and I are not anxious, not mourning, but joyfully accompanying Jonathon into the next season of his life. We have a strong sense that this is the right thing. Kind of like giving away a beloved daughter in a good marriage?


In May we're going to throw a huge party for Jonathon's enormous community of neighbors, friends, teachers, and classmates. We want to give these friends a chance to understand, grieve and celebrate. Imagine what an unusual kind of loss this is for Jonathon's friends. We want to record videos of these people sharing a memory or a wish for Jonathon and send it along for him and his family.

Perhaps with our small ripple we can increase awareness and activate a response to our Chinese kids who are suffering as a result of population control policy, abandonment, lack of access to health care, lack of foster care and lack of domestic adoption in China. We know for certain that many hearts are being touched by Jonathon's life.


It's a beautiful true story, isn't it?

counting the graces
thank you Father for
yet another heart-to-heart with Drew, these always refresh and strengthen
we got our first vacuum cleaner in China, amazing how much encouragement and hope owning a vacuum can bring into your life
good things happening in our families
my sisters, true sisters: Mandie and Jen, I am so blessed to have these two as mine
boy stuff -- climbing trees, digging holes, collecting pieces of nature
Miss Tian to pick up and teach the boys when I got home late
aperture

She came in through the bathroom window

 

No Drew, Day 6
An intruder entered the apartment.
This is the desperate and constructive email that followed, between myself and brother Ethan.

THERE IS A FAT RAT RUNNING AROUND IN THE HOUSE
she came in through the bathroom window
*waaaaaahhhhhh
Save me Jared!!!

You just need to take her silver spoon!

if I could just whelp her with that spoon. grrr

haha so I assume that you were indeed referencing The Beatles or was that just total coincidence?

my reference, intentional.rat's choice of entry point, well I don't know if the rat is a Beatles fan or not.
next up on playlist for rat: fool on the hill? happiness is warm gun? live and let die?

Aww I love your musical background Rach! Perhaps Maxwell's Silver Hammer is fitting for the situation.

YES. that is exactly what we need

Hey, if you're not a Beatles fan you totally didn't get any of that. Don't worry, there is plenty more for you here.

Enter Rat, and it was big and fast and hiding in my house for three days. I saw it three times: bathroom, dining area and kitchen. It left poop on the kitchen counter and dish-drying rack for me every morning. Oh thank you.

I had no choice but to handle it, setting out two sticky-glue traps and two cage traps baited with bits of duck head every night. The sticky trap did nothing but record the the rat's ugly footprints as it walked all over that thing, unstuck.

On the third morning we woke up to a record heavyweight vermin cowering behind bars. It felt a lot like finding your Easter basket.

Songs erupted.

I AM STRONG! 

I'M  INVINCIBLE!

I AM WOMAN!

My 5, 4 and 3 year-old boys even sang with me. We were like, a small household of feminist victors.

I drowned the rat in a bucket.

Then I made breakfast.

Then I walked my kids to school, one hand leading a little boy, the other hand toting a drowned rat in a plastic bag, for the dumpster.

I'm sure I must be stronger for it.

 No Drew, Day 9
Jonathon gashed his chin, requiring Frankenstein stitches.

He lost his balance on the bathroom footstool. A couple months ago he tripped while running and split open the same spot. This is now the THIRD time in three years Jon's had stitches. What is wrong with his mother?!!? Unfortunately the water was turned off at home (like it sometimes is) so it took a little creativity figuring out how to clean up the wound and blood. Fortunately our kids' Chinese tutor was coming over in about 30 minutes, so as soon as she arrived I took Jonathon to get stitched.


Back story.

Last time, I brought Jon to a small clinic several bus stops down the road. It was already a hectic day -- a million things going wrong at once and under pressure from grad classes. When it came time to pay, I didn't have enough cash for the stitches and none of the nearby ATMs were working with my bank cards (normal, happens sometimes). So there was no means for me to pay the bill, and you must pay in cash immediately, that's it. Besides this, the clinic staff told me we had to stay for another 2 hours so Jonathon could do a tetanus shot and antibiotic IV (Chinese love to do IVs rather than oral meds) -- but I couldn't, because I had to pick up my two other children from school. So I was crying there, with my sad stitched-up baby, not enough money, refusing to stay for the dang IV. I left my cell phone on the billing desk as collateral and sobbed, "My husband will come pay the bill on his way home from work at 6:30." It was humiliating and maybe the worst day of human history. Probably.

You might think I'd never go back there again. So did I. But as we flagged down a taxi I thought, the only thing that's stopping me from returning there today is pride. So I went back. Oh hey! It's me, and look! My kid has the exact same cut again! But I have enough money now!


The same Grandpa as last time did the stitching. He was kind, but man did he let me have it.

Here I digress. Recently all the little bothers have seemed funny to me -- Drew's gone and we get a rat, internet not working, colossal milk spills and messes, late for school, gash requiring stitches, water off, missing important deadlines, poop and pee on the floor, inconsolable crying fits, torrential rainstorms, being compelled to eat raw ground pork buns on a picnic with friends, getting chewed out by the clinician. Everything is crazy! You can either cry or laugh. I've been laughing!


So anywho, after consulting with Butterfly Home nurse and doctor, I brought Jon back again in the evening for a tetanus shot, Titus and Mike tagging along. Athough I endured additional scolding from that Grandpa, we enjoyed talking with him too, and taking pictures with the other staff. Fun! Should we face any other small emergencies in the future we'll probably go back there since we're all buddies now.




On the way home, by the bus stop, there sat my trophy for being a single mom. I didn't hesitate, no, I bought it right then and there.

VINTAGE RED ACCORDION

Drew arrived home yesterday, and we spent the national holiday Tomb-Sweeping Day together at home, all five of us happy together.

Rachel the Rat Slayer, over and out.

counting the graces

thank you Father for

bunches of encouraging people in our lives

reconnecting with Beth

sugar-free gum

new storybooks, pantry items and love note from Nai Nai

picnic with Family in the sunshine, and we all acknowledge and agreed how good you are to us

connecting with lots of friends at fellowship

peace, even after letting people down
Drew's loooooooooove