Influencing those around you

Dear Titus Darling:

Thank you to your Mama for preparing the materials and lesson for the children every Tuesday. Thank you to you [Titus] for patiently giving all the classmates guidance in pronunciation, helping us to review English together after class. Truly, thank you so much. 

Your family is full of love -- towards each other and towards friends. This shared love is deeply moving, influencing those around you. The teachers have learned a lot from you. We think you're a little angel, so adorable and beautiful.

Love, Your Teacher

[from Titus' parent-teacher contact book, October 2014]  

It's a small but meaningful thing, to teach in Titus' classroom once a week. I like it. Titus and I get to share an experience together. It's a creative outlet. The names and personalities of Titus' classmates have become familiar. Communication and partnership with the teachers has increased. I feel united with my kids' world at school, and have gained understanding of their daily experience.

I was very touched by what Mrs. Zeng wrote in Titus' parent-teacher contact book. It's Titus' fourth year in her classroom, can you believe that! Age 3, 4, 5, and now 6. She's been watching us these years. I really hope we can explicitly and clearly tell her who taught us love. Oh our love is terribly flawed, it is....I cringe. Don't get me started on how unlovely and unloving all four of us can be on any given day.

But.

It is true that we have been and are being transformed by Perfect Love. His name is Jesus.

counting the graces

thank you Father for

clean air!!!!!! and dirty air which has made me so much more grateful, realizing deeply that all is grace

the whole experience of getting together with favorite friends, favorite book, favorite coffeehouse, favorite street of Changsha

we are going to see Jonathon and his family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Debussy in the morning in the kitchen

8 miles of pure bliss along the river, the John Deere tractor, see forever, light rain, good air to breathe, glorious

1 Peter, Isaiah

Butterfly Basketball Sleepover

Michael of the Butterfly Home is one of the coolest kids we know!

You might remember we took him swimming this summer.

He came home with us for a weekend sleepover during October Holiday. The full story with photos is featured on the Butterfly Home blog right >>HERE<<. Go check it out yo!

Michael, Mai Mai, Titus, and neighbors Rui Rui and Jinrong made a full team of five that weekend!
All ages 3 - 6. Michael of the Butterfly Home was MVP and point guard with his advanced ball-handling skills and intuitive ability to drive the lane. And he can dunk. (With assistance.)

Drew has been doing a ton of work for the upcoming Butterfly Home fundraising campaign. Kudos to Drew for putting in many weeknights and weekends on behalf of our lovely Butterfly children. More info on the fundraiser soon.

Enjoy your weekend!

counting the graces

thank you Father for

beautiful, precious, colorful handprints of Butterfly Home kids, the creases and contours of each little life, representing their stories

Titus and Mike squished into the red bath bucket together, enjoying each other

catching up with Drew

Hebrews

"I have something to tell you in person"

That's what Wang Zhao said to me earlier this week, "When can we get together?"
(Wang Zhao's on the left, mutual friend Li Ci the center.)

We've known each other quite awhile, since she was in high school. Now she's all graduated from vocational college and working. Wang Zhao and I met in the orphanage, the only home she's ever known. I like her. She's book-smart. She's people-smart. She is thoughtful, kind, and yet more self-assertive than most kids who grew up like she did. A survivor.

I suppose partially for this reason, her steely core and independence, she's never been interested much in JC. Aware, yes. Very aware. But not interested, thanks.

I like to think of Wang Zhao as my younger sister. Imagine going through college without any family at all. Who do you call when you've had a crappy day? When you've achieved something fantastic and want someone who loves you to praise you? I tried to be her big sister, listener, and biggest fan.

So it was normal for her to call and say, "When can we get together? I have something to tell you in person." But this time it was different. It was like her eyes had been opened. She had a long and detailed story to relate. Basically, on week-long trip three different "amazing" and "mysterious" things happened that made her think there must be a caring, living Planner. "I'm starting to think so..."

She's already got a good grasp of this. The message, who he is and who we are in relation, how to walk, how to grow -- she's heard it. But now it's looking like Truth to her. She's got Mark open. I never saw it coming; how wonderful!

counting the graces

thank you Father for

by misunderstanding, left backpack, wallet, phone on a public bench and it was all still there hours later, whew

Drew's teaching at our fellowship group

teaching me how to reserve music time

"do not love the world or anything in the world" right when I was obsessively dreaming about a new flat

delicious delicious bread from breadmaker, and tomato soup and green beans

hug-carrying each boy in turn on the road to school

Wang Ayi's stories and news

reading with Titus on the bed, with sweet potato chips

Will you follow me into this too?

I am sad today.

Our air is often extremely polluted. Today it feels so discouraging.

Here is the AQI (Air Quality Index) scale.




We are off the charts. Again.

I want to go now.

The effects of breathing our air are very serious and dangerous to health.

This is the air my babies breathe into their developing lungs.

I hate it.

At sunrise I could see that it was a crappy air day. Zero visibility outside, in a cloud of gray. Haze is even visible in the living room. I checked the AQI (air quality index): Soaring off the scale at 500+. On an autumn day that should be perfect for letting a pleasant breeze through the house, I closed all the windows so our air filtration fans can do their job. At least our interior air can be a little better.

So we're at 500, and typically Beijing's international schools will cancel all outdoor activities at 200. It was a sad moment when, after putting on shoes and little backpacks, I put air pollution masks on my boys so we could walk to school. 

As a young lady dreaming, I never imagined raising my family in a world where my children can't go outside to play because the air is so bad it damages their bodies. I never imagined my mother's before-school script would be, "Did you brush your teeth? It's time to go, put your shoes and mask on."

I'm ashamed to admit this. From behind my mask I glared at every person we met on the road. 

I despise your air. 

Arriving at school, the teacher said, "Mai Mai you look so cool!" I snapped back, "It's not cool at all. Pollution is over 500 today, it's extremely unhealthy."

These masks are highly rated for adults but actually don't fit children's faces properly.
I went online today and bought new kid masks for $30 USD each.

I shouldn't have gone out running after that, but foolishly and defiantly, I did. Wore the mask. Mountain entirely eclipsed by gray curtain. Stoplights fuzzied as if in a cloud of smoke.

I felt so sad.

Earlier in the week I was sitting in a cafe feeling angst about living in Changsha and thereby not giving Titus and Mike the best -- real or perceived -- in many aspects of life. God brought this to mind: All is grace. No matter where you are, all is grace. I wrote that in my notebook.

See, I've been more hung up on what my kids lack than what they have. I have a pretty inappropriate sense of entitlement. All is grace. Unmerited favor. Gifts everywhere. Life itself. This is not a silly exercise in counting your blessings. This is knowing that God does not owe you a thing and yet, he has given you everything. Consider, what are his gifts but everything? My feeble movements of gratitude are never sufficient. The fact that I was crafted into existence, restored from death to life at a costly price, am sustained, forever secure in Jesus, is that a small thing? Is it a small thing that I have a tender and intimate relationship with the Holy Creator God? That His love for me is so fierce and boundless that I can't begin to get my mind around it? And I am sitting in this cafe fretting.

No matter where you are, all is grace.

That was Tuesday in the cafe. I think God gave me that little encouragement then knowing I'd need it for today, Friday.

I'm running in the most hazardous degree of air pollution on the plant, trying to stir up an argument with God, get some answers, get him to talk. Well! You called us here. I know you did, that you made perfectly clear. Now what do you have to say about this air! What am I supposed to do about my children? Doesn't it grieve you that their bodies are being damaged? Are you trying to kill us? Do you care? Don't you know that children need to play outside? That I like running outside? Maybe we should go back to Minnesota. 

Home, I'm showering off the filth. My Father's voice is gentle and wise in contrast to my brashness, his words come to my heart even more clearly than sound could be to my ears, "Rachel, will you follow me into this too?" 

With a vision of the carcinogenic haze outside, "Rachel, will you follow me into this too?"

I weep aloud because 

A) This is painful.

B) I know my Father's love. I know what he has done to demonstrate his love for us. There is no one like Him. There is no love like his love. My heart is all his, I'm in, like plunging into deep water. This is not obedience begrudgingly, trust cautionary. This is having been completely and unreservedly won over, no longer under compulsion but being fully convinced that He is the way. 

I have counted the cost.

Yes. 

Into this too, I will follow you.

counting the graces more than ever

thank you Father for

family activity hosted by kindergarten today, chance to connect with two specific parents

evening with J

Mike's generosity with kisses

practicing the small no so I can give the best yes

dreaming about Drew while sleeping beside Drew

phone talk with SW

three weeks of consistency and hard work by your help

you speak, you are not silent

Because they grow so fast

Being their Mom is the best ever. I LOVE MY JOB. I feel like the richest, highest-paid woman in the whole world.

Drew loves being their Dad. It's not that he doesn't appreciate his day job, but coming home after a long day in the office, met at the door with squeals and jumping hugs from excited boys, "Daddy! Dad! Dad!" and then spending the evening biking, fixing, building, teaching, playing together...well, which portion of the day sounds more life-giving to you? Drew looks like a happy kindergartener himself (with an unnatural ability to operate power tools), engrossed in play with those boys.

Sometimes when I spend a string of whole days with Titus and Mike, and they're fighting and miserable, I try to remember what an honor it is to be with them rather than doing anything else. And if our days together feel draining and stressful, it's probably because I've divided my attention and energy in too many other places so that I'm not able to offer myself fully to them. They need me.

Drew's been reading chapter books to them at bedtime, captivated by Summer of the Monkeys, Sign of The Beaver, Charlotte's Web, The Wind in The Willows, Ralph S. Mouse and Justin Morgan Had a Horse. Tonight, after the Ingalls family found a dog in Little House on the Prairie, Titus and Mike decided to switch top and bottom bunks. After they feel asleep I went in to check on the situation, and found them looking so sweet hugging their animals. I had to go grab my phone to preserve that moment. They grow so fast.

Have I convinced you yet that I am the richest woman in the world?

counting the graces

thank you Father for

rising early and feeling rested

meeting you in song

your amazing story that is woven together through themes and metaphors prophecies and fulfillments in the whole Bible

道

dark purple soft winter bed sheet

"you don't need that, you need me"

Reasons to Celebrate

Celebrations have been following one after another for the past month!

9.8 

Back to School Feast

First Day of School Eve, we made crowns for our star students and gave them a proper send-off to school with a stem-glass dinner, fancy food (pizza...) and a gift. Dad introduced our focus for the semester which is, "We love others because God loves us all." At dinner we talked over what that means and how to live by it at home and at school. (And we say it to each other most mornings when I drop them off at the classroom door.) Most importantly, there is encouragement: You kids are loved, special, you can do and learn so may things, and be a blessing to those around you! Mom and Dad are here for you.

9.9 

First Day of School

9.10 

Teacher's Day and 

Tenth Anniversary of Young Adult Fellowship

We invited all our Children's Sunday School partners and some additional friends to a Teacher's Day dinner. They are a hard-working bunch, and we wanted to let them know how much their labor for the children is valued and appreciated. The gathering strengthened our friendships and cooperation.

Following dinner, most of us skipped over to the Youth Adult Fellowship's Tenth Anniversary Party. Drew and I have never been to this Wednesday night gathering before; it's alive! That night many shared testimonies of spiritual growth and gave thanks for the community. The facilitators asked us to perform. We did a scuffly up-beat Chinese praise song and a Chinese version of "We Fall Down" -- way fun! Went over great, and I think, communicated our joy for who Jesus is.

9.13 

Chen Man's Wedding

She and I spent quite a bit of time together when she was a university sophomore and we were teachers. She's the first of that generation of girls that I worked with to get married, and she's also the first to be expecting a baby! She and her husband are doing well, and I was glad to have dinner and a good talk with her recently.

9.14 

Titus' Sixth Birthday

Our very special son began his birthday morning with pancakes and Waigong & Waipo on skype. It was a quality family day -- Drew and I remarked at how that day, all four of us gathered for all three meals at our dining table -- which doesn't happen very often. Titus is precious to us, and we were glad to express that to him with hugs and affirming words, a minion cake and gifts.

Legos from Ye-Ye, Nai-Nai and Jenny Gu-Gu.

Basketball hoop from Waigong & Waipo.

Rope from Dad, purchased by the docks on a small island of Hong Kong. Drew knows his son; Titus is crazy about tying elaborate knots and rigging things up with jump ropes and resistance bands. 

9.22
Baby Christina was born to our friends Noah & Naomi! 

She's their third child, all three girls. Pictured below, Naomi, Leslie and I are close friends and have been meeting weekly with John flipped open next to a cup of coffee. It's an honor to grow and share intimate, purposeful friendship with two outstanding women. We help keep each other on track. We laugh a lot! And that week it was so memorable to meet together in the hospital with brand-new baby Christina.

The dads! Drew and Noah.

9.29 

Drew & Rachel's Seventh Wedding Anniversary

First of all, inspired by Drew's parents, we started a tradition of celebrating Ma & Pa's wedding anniversary with the kids. It's the anniversary of the founding of this family, of which they are a part, after all! They should be in on the party too, which this year took place over chicken and ice cream at KFC after Tae Kwon Do. 

Fancy, yes. 

Our idea is to carve out this time to communicate value for a holy marriage and tell them how much Drew and I love each other and work to love each other. It's a time to let them in on the dialogue, including listening to their feedback about how they perceive Mom & Dad's relationship. Sure, they are only six and four years-old right now, but we think it's a great time to start the intentional talks. Of course these conversations are not limited to one night a year -- they happen in the every day -- but this is a night set aside for a purpose.

Mike's classmate was there and distracting him from our highly idealistic family marriage talk. haha!

A few days later Drew and I stole away for our private anniversary dinner. We walked around on a traditional-style Chinese street where there is the coolest stylized Starbucks I've ever seen; it opens up to a multi-level art gallery at the back. Then Drewy emptied his wallet taking me out to really fancy French restaurant. We love getting away to talk about our dreams, reflect, dote on each other a little bit, talk things out, set or reset course.

10.1
China's National Day

It was the sixty-fourth anniversary of the founding of the People's Republic of China. The weather is perfect, the whole country is on holiday for about a week, old friends regather back to Changsha. Drew spent some of the holiday writing his thesis. We got together with a few different groups of friends. One day we climbed the mountain with my old girlfriends, happened to meet Jared at the peak, descended the hill in the dark and all shared a feast of Northeast-style Chinese cuisine.

So many celebrations packed into one month!

counting the graces

thank you Father for

right here, the position of our home -- convenient, simple

LS's bright smile and inextinguishable joy that has persisted even through weary trials; she inspires me to be joyful

that good feeling of being knocked out to sleep deep after taking Nyquil when you have a cold

faithful, steady husband and he is always willing to give me a massage

learning to unpack Isaiah

Qingzi, the boys' Chinese tutor, she is so gifted with children

sister calling to share her wedding plan developments, and healthy, real honesty between us

Auntie Wang releasing me from laundry and cooking this afternoon so I can take my kids outside and teach them their lessons