Eating Mashed Potatoes with Chopsticks

Though we missed our families, it felt like a real Thanksgiving in Changsha.

Thursday night we had a traditional dinner for eighteen students plus our six teammates. These students were invited because they are currently or have in the past studied the Word with one of us. All except a couple are brothers/sisters. I said it was traditional...the food was...the cultery, not so much. We ate with chopsticks and 4" saucers, Chinese style. Here's a couple shots of the dinner party in our apartment.




On Friday we did last-minute cleaning and preparations for the big weekend event. Friday night our guests arrived from out of town -- another couple, they work for the same company as us, and their 4 month old boy. Saturday noon we had a major feast in the meeting room of our apartment complex. I guess there were forty or fifty people, lots of kids. We had turkey! Rachel made an apple-date-walnut salad and a California Medley casserole. In the evening there was a special service -- Rachel prepared the children's music and activities, and lead the music for the adults. Drew took care of Titus and lead the clean-up! Next year we will probably not sign up to do so much. It was kind of stressful.

After a group breakfast on Sunday morning, our out of town guests headed back to their city. And we rested!



Hope you had a great Thanksgiving too.

Rachel & Drew

Remember, Criticism = Love

Titus' friend JJ wears split-bottom pants. All six layers of pants (yes, six) are cut open so he can pee/poop at will. On really cold days JJ wears this thermal wrap-around skirt, to protect his exposed parts from getting too drafty.


Titus: age 14 months.
JJ: age 23 months.
Sometimes JJ uses Titus as a punching bag, but they're still best friends.


Lou and son.


In my last post I mentioned that Chinese people like to be together. It's simple: Chinese culture = collectivistic; American culture = individualistic. Not only do Chinese want to share experiences, they want to share in decision making. That is why I get all kinds of childcare advice from from friends and complete strangers. As a person who was enculturated in an individualistic society, I find lots of culture conflict when I hear remarks like this, usually accompanied with a scowl and a disapproving tone:

"You're feeding him garbage food."
"He has a fever. Open the windows."
"You should give him medicine now."
"Whoa. He is wearing too little clothing!"
"His clothes are too few. He will get sick."
"Is your baby cold? He must be cold."
"He's very cold!"
"Don't have him wear a hat."
"You're pregnant. You don't want to go to Chinese class. You'll get sick."
"You must wear a face mask on the bus or in the supermarket. You might get H1N1."
"Don't you have any pants thicker than this for him?"
"Don't use diapers. It's a bad."
"Your diaper method is not too good."
"He doesn't like to wear that diaper, don't use it."
"Put medicine on that mosquito bite."
"This baby carrier is bad. Your baby is hot and uncomfortable."
"His socks are too tight."
"His shoes are too big."
"That snack is too dry. He can't eat it."
"Your baby sleeps too much."


Can you imagine, in America, your family members or complete strangers saying this stuff to you? How would you feel after a day of this? We would say "Hey. I'M the parent. Mind your own business." In China you don't mind your own business. WE decide together. We take criticism NOT as criticism, but loving concern.

In terms of child-rearing, there are some wonderful positives about this collectivistic culture that we enjoy immensely! Unlike the US, people usually don't have their own houses, cars, yards, or even their own siblings, here in China. They can't isolate like we Americans might...they love to be together, and they love for their children to be together. People love kids. Everybody calls little ones "Small Friend" or "Little Brother/Little Sister". We call our elders "Uncle/Aunt." People spontaneously congregate in public areas so their little ones can play together. Titus never comes home empty-handed; every time we're out he's given oranges, crackers, cookies, grapes, sweet potatoes, potatoes, fried bread, etc. When we go to restaurants, the waitresses make friends with Titus and play with him or hold him while we're eating. Strangers let strangers hold and play with their little ones. Chinese people love kids!

So anyway, the pictures are of Titus' friend JJ, and my friend Lou who is especially kind and particularly critical of me. I mean loving. They're always coming over to our house, unannounced, to play. Which is cool. One day Lou & JJ came over, Titus was still napping, Lou didn't even ask me -- she just went in and got him up from his nap.

Rachel

River Walk ... Again

Fred --- our friend and colleague, invited us to the riverside to experience some culture. The weather was lovely on this Sunday afternoon.


Chinese-character Calligraphy is a respected artform. A father and daughter were practicing their beautiful strokes on the sidewalk, using water and a sponge on a stick to write. This is actually a common way to practice calligraphy in parks. Being students of written Chinese ourselves, our jaws dropped at the precision of their writing!



The water you see here is only half of the river. The shore over there is just a long island -- Orange Island -- in the middle of the river. A big bust of Mao Zedong is under construction at the island's southern tip. Mao used to swim to the island when he was a primary student here.


Chinese want to be together. Down by the river on a nice day there's tons of people sitting around drinking tea, smoking, playing Chinese checkers or mah jong, watching the boats and the performers. There's lone erhu (stringed instrument) players, a couple erhus with an old guy singing, dancers, whole bands, and Peking Opera. According to Fred the performers love their traditional arts, that's why they do all this for free in the park.






And here's a shot from the bus ride home...


lots of love,

d + r + t + b

Favorites

These are our two favorite pictures from the week.

Do you remember Grandma Ma? She's my Muslim friend. Titus plays with her granddaughter. I feel like our relationship is so so so good right now, isn't that great?

Second picture: here we are reading Titus' favorite book, favorite because it has flaps and sounds.

The Josiah Fork

Just this week I could not find warm mittens for Titus. I was hoping for another pair of long underware. Drew's black socks have holes in the toes. Our cousin Karin, not knowing this, sent us a package from Korea containing warm kid mittens, ladies' leggings, and men's black socks!

Lots of expats have come and gone from Changsha. There is one family in particular that has blessed us though they don't know it. We'll call them the "R" family. The Rs were with our company and lived in our exact apartment three years ago with their two small boys. They left a positive legacy on this campus; we often meet people who were their friends. We get to build on the good foundation which the Rs laid.

The Rs left stuff, too. My kitchen has more stuff than I ever dreamed I'd have --- baking pans, boiling pot, saucepan, spatula, strainer, apple corer, paring knives. Last spring we inherited a box of boy clothes, passed from the Rs to another family to us. Titus wears these clothes everyday; it saved us tons of money and shopping time!

This week at dinner we were wishing for a small fork for Titus to use. Drew went down the hall to our team's office, where the left-behind stuff is stored, and found The Josiah Fork. It's a baby fork with "Josiah" printed on the plastic handle. Josiah is the R's oldest son, so we've heard. So Titus is eating with Josiah's fork and wearing his old clothes, though we've never met him and have no way to thank him!

The Josiah Fork symbolizes how our needs and wants have been provided for here in Changsha.

Can't Keep Good News A Secret

We just found out that I'm pregnant!

Titus, I'm sure, will be thrilled to have a little sibling arriving in mid July. We are so thankful for the timing -- it's perfect. We'll be in the US for much of the summer, so hopefully I can give birth at Woodwinds Hospital in Woodbury, MN, the best place for maternity care in the world, I think. I'm about 4 - 5 weeks along and feeling quite well, though a little tired. When I was pregnant with Titus it was a breeze --- a little bit of nausea when Drew was frying ground pork, but that's about it. The Father was extremely generous to me. Though I feel quite unworthy, I am Asking for another blessed 40 weeks of pregnancy.

Drew is hoping for multiples. He loved growing up with triplet brothers and another older brother all packed into three years. Lots of playmates. A whole basketball team, in fact. I can't say that I have the same hopes as my husband. :)

I think it is a little unusual to announce a pregnancy so soon. There's different reasons why people wait, but a big one seems to be the high risk of miscarriage in the first trimester. We figure, if we miscarried we'd be telling you anyway because we would need your support. I simply can't keep good news a secret.

with love,

Drew, Rachel
Titus & Michael/Ruby


There you go, now you know what we plan to name our babe. :)
And by the way, Titus's eye is completely healed.

Nasty Puffy Eye

Ugh! Doesn't it look painful? Poor little Titus woke up with his eye swollen shut this morning. We think it's a mosquito bite. Or a spider? We called Grandma Louise to get some medical advice. No improvement as of tonight, but Titus has been happy all day. It doesn't seem to phase him, only being able to see out of one eye.

FORCE Students

No, we're not forcing them to do anything.

On Friday night we had a banquet where we met the FORCE Students --- this year's freshman who have been selected for a very special scholarship.

Some businesman, a like-minded guy from Hong Kong, decided that he wanted to reach out to needy college students in mainland China. He founded a scholarship program to benefit students who have financial need and leadership potential.

He asked our company if we could identify the recipients through an application and interview process. The stories are devastating. You would never know that this girl grew up in an orphanage, or that guy's family has no money because of his dad's medical bills.

The students, ten at our university, each have a sponsor who puts them through college. The sponsors (also like-minded people) encourage the students by keeping in touch. Each student develops his/her leadership skills through community service. We keep special office hours just for the FORCE students, so they can come in to talk or get help with English homework.

It was a blessing to meet these incredible young people, so polite and mature. So burdened by their circumstances but determined to overcome! We're looking forward to spending time with them.


- Drew, Rachel, Titus & baby

Down by The River

Last weekend we had visitors, and we took them for a walk along our lovely Xiang Jiang River (Sweet-smelling River). The name is a misnomer, but the weather couldn't have been better! October 30th, I think, and we were all in shorts and t-shirts, even Titus.

Just the Little Guy

The pictures you see here are from our new favorite place to play, the basketball courts and abandoned volleyball courts behind our apartment. We had a cold snap this week, so Titus got to sport his adorable winter hat.


Some special moments from this week:

I taught Titus that it's nice to kiss Daddy. We were all playing around on the floor one morning. I demonstrated how the kisser presses their lips on the kissed person's lips. Titus watched carefully and then planted his non-puckered lips squarely on Daddy's. We took turns kissing Drew like two times and then Titus lost interest. I guess he thought kissing wasn't that great. But it was sweet.

Titus likes climbing and descending steps and benches. It's pretty cute: when he wants to go down some steps, he scuttles over to the nearest grown-up, grabs her hand, and leads her over to the steps so she can help him down. Cute and smart.