Clothes for My Daughter

My favorite day was when, she was waiting expectantly, wanting to tell me something. Usually when I arrive she’s draped over a chair exhausted, dozing in the TV light. That day she was obviously and unsuccessfully trying to restrain her excitement, corners of her mouth curled up. I had never, and have never since, seen her so alive. 

“This week I bought some outfits for my daughter, since it’s getting cold and her aunt said she needs warmer clothes. There’s a store over there with good quality clothes, a little expensive, but very cute. Do you want to see? See if you think they look good or not?” 

She opened the folds methodically, piece by piece, explaining the qualities of each sweater and pair of pants -- the colors, materials, durability, thickness, pretty appliqués. She placed her treasures in my hands, asked me to examine the softness and warmth. She compared, matched this shirt with those pants, told me which ones would suit her preschool daughter best. Made a fuss. Her favorite outfit was a yellow long sleeve shirt, puckered shoulders and a smiling cat on the chest, paired with grey leggings and a ruffley pink skirt. 

We talked at length about the three outfits; it was a big deal. At long last she carefully repacked each piece with precise, loving folds. She planned to ship them to her daughter tomorrow.

I realized.

It had been more than a year since she’d last seen, hugged, played with, mothered, both of her daughters, ages 14 and 4.

She loves her girls so much and has sacrificed greatly to provide for the family.

I was the only person who would share her excitement about the clothes. She had waited to ship the items until after showing them to, fussing over them with me. 

A privilege and an honor. 

Besides the men, I was the only person she’d talked to that day. Yesterday? Tomorrow?

I asked myself.

Can I bring more joy, like this, when I visit? What can I bring? Say?

counting the graces

thank you Father for

box of kindness and heart from my friend in Louisiana

watching the orphanage nanny cradle the recently abandoned child in her care, she prayed for him

this line: surely he carried our sorrows

friends who really understand

 perfect winter coat for Jonathon

find of the week: minta & the brook trout

ending the day tired and warm, under a massive comforter, next to Drew

goose eggs! a gift from my friend

things working out just fine after fretting and stressing and feeling this is impossible

reminded: my acceptance, my salvation, the love he gives, all not dependent on my merit but rather,  guaranteed by his grace and his blood