7:30am, a group converges at our apartment, driving two vehicles 7+ hours across the province to our new home. They wanted to see us off and check out our new neighborhood, which happens to be a beautiful rural destination.
So friends, it may be a few days until we get our bearings (and our internet). The next time you hear from me I will be writing from a river valley village in the mountains.
counting the graces
thank you Lord
for these hymns playing tonight, indelible grace music
last-night in Changsha bike ride, it was so Changsha -- hot, noisy, everybody out after dark, lights, horns, construction, dusk and bbq
maybe it's not all going to fit in the truck? but we don't worry, it'll work out somehow
praying today with Peng Peng and Wang Ayi, Peng Peng's lunch especially that fish of hers that first welcomed us to this city
I thought I was feeling okay about this move, it's all cool, until this morning. Right after I soaked my heart in the Psalms and resolved to love my neighbor and trust God, right after I sent a voice message to my family saying, basically, no problem doing great! Less than a minute later, a flash argument with Drew about a key -- a key -- and suddenly there was an explosion, "Just forget it!" and I did chuck that book of Psalms right across the sunporch, splaying out the pages crumpled against the floor. Before Drew had a chance to respond I was already running up the mountain trails.
Well, don't worry. We made things right before Drew started his first office meeting of the day, hit the reset button. Now I squarely face reality: I am grieving + I am stressed. That combo. Of course I am grieving for all the people here, seven and and half years of the good kind of co-dependence, but you know? I am also going to miss this physical apartment, where all the life happened. Joyful, sorrowful, angry, desperate, celebratory, meaningful -- there was so much living and growing inside these 80 square meters on the sixth floor. It was good! SO good. I am thankful.
Now to release.
Release this place, and to a degree, all these relationships.
And yet, all that living and growing goes along with us:
Buoyant immaterial strength woven into our beings. Taking that with.
I think, I hope, this is what we leave our friends with as well.
counting the graces
thank you Father for unmerited favor
Qingzi, a wonderful tutor for Titus, and we were a family for this young girl alone in the big city
you keep me steady when the sky is falling, I keep steady after you...so let the stars drop whatever comes I'll be ready, you keep me steady
Drew is always lightning-quick to reconcile, appreciate that about him
Reuben's third birthday -- he is cherished now, and we got to see photos of how his dearest celebrated with him
learning from David's example to be emotionally honest in prayer, say it like it is rather than pretending I'm otherwise, and then letting you respond
it says that you actually do catch all of my tears, yes, you know and care deeply
it's been an unusually cool July so far
a little more liberation from evaluating self based on the reaction of people -- a little more evaluating self based on if I have complied with you
These are the words of Ann Voskamp, author of One Thousand Gifts -- her story that changed mine -- and testimony-teller at A Holy Experience:
I just know that no one need adopt if they think they get to sign up to be some Savior White Barbie swooping into rescuing any abandoned child because the truth of it is: You’re the one rescued — you can’t rescue anybody. You only get to hold on to the Rescuer.
I just know that no one gets to mug for the camera with a flash of pearly whites and their newly adopted family without stepping into a story of trauma. The only way a family is made through adoption — is for someone to lose a family first. The only way anyone gets to adoption is through a door of loss and unless you fully feel the depth of that loss, the door you’re walking through leads to nowhere honest.
I just know there’s a whole lot I don’t know at all and no one ever brings home any new child, born or adopted, without pain. Children only come to us through pain — like love only comes to us with pain.
They say that 77% of practicing Christians believe Christians have a responsibility to adopt, but only 5% of Christians have adopted — and I get why it’s tempting to think you shouldn’t adopt and someone else should and I get the choking fears and I get the questions that won’t stop haunting and I get that supporting adoption doesn’t mean that we’re all called to adopt because caring for orphans looks different for each of us, but it has to look like something — and I never stop getting over how Jesus left the 99 for the 1 and the whole focus of our Father is fighting for orphans, making them sons and daughters.
God searched for you, found you, fought for you, signed the papers with His blood and He adopted you and brought you Home –and the only way any of us get into the family of God is through the most painful adoption.
If real belief cares for the orphans — can one be a believer and not be caring for at least one orphan in some small way?
Adoption is all of the broken’s story.
We’re all sort of a different kind of the same kind of broken.
thank you, I can't thank you enough the Lord is near to the broken-hearted and saves the crushed in spirit I sought the Lord and he answered me, he delivered me from my fears many are the afflictions of people who live God's way, but the Lord delivers them out of them all none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned for the ever-failing, recovering perfectionist, Jesus is my perfect. it's better that way -- liberation loving friends we finished our study of 1 John, and it was a rich, satisfying, and life-changing year brothers & sisters want to drive us out to our new house when we move for the strength you supply to Drew, carrying heavy stress at work and handling it like a champion for how much Titus has learned and grown this year in first grade, his wonderful attitude for forgiving me when I'm mean, strict & too results-focused all the good news from Minnesota home & family your VOICE OF TRUTH leading us to release...
