Buoyant immaterial strength woven into our beings

I thought I was feeling okay about this move, it's all cool, until this morning.  Right after I soaked my heart in the Psalms and resolved to love my neighbor and trust God, right after I sent a voice message to my family saying, basically, no problem doing great!  Less than a minute later, a flash argument with Drew about a key -- a key -- and suddenly there was an explosion, "Just forget it!" and I did chuck that book of Psalms right across the sunporch, splaying out the pages crumpled against the floor.  Before Drew had a chance to respond I was already running up the mountain trails.

Well, don't worry.  We made things right before Drew started his first office meeting of the day, hit the reset button.  Now I squarely face reality: I am grieving + I am stressed.  That combo.  Of course I am grieving for all the people here, seven and and half years of the good kind of co-dependence, but you know?  I am also going to miss this physical apartment, where all the life happened.  Joyful, sorrowful, angry, desperate, celebratory, meaningful -- there was so much living and growing inside these 80 square meters on the sixth floor.  It was good!  SO good.  I am thankful.  

Now to release.

Release this place, and to a degree, all these relationships.

And yet, all that living and growing goes along with us:

Buoyant immaterial strength woven into our beings.  Taking that with.

I think, I hope, this is what we leave our friends with as well.

counting the graces

thank you Father for unmerited favor

Qingzi, a wonderful tutor for Titus, and we were a family for this young girl alone in the big city

you keep me steady when the sky is falling, I keep steady after you...so let the stars drop whatever comes I'll be ready, you keep me steady

Drew is always lightning-quick to reconcile, appreciate that about him

Reuben's third birthday -- he is cherished now, and we got to see photos of how his dearest celebrated with him

learning from David's example to be emotionally honest in prayer, say it like it is rather than pretending I'm otherwise, and then letting you respond

it says that you actually do catch all of my tears, yes, you know and care deeply

it's been an unusually cool July so far

a little more liberation from evaluating self based on the reaction of people -- a little more evaluating self based on if I have complied with you

homemade yogurt frozen with bananas, peaches, oats, flax, pumpkin seeds, cinnamon

bumping into landlord at just the right moment, check that off

availability of fresh greens for lunch

supper with Titus' best friend Zhao Zixuan, some other kids and moms, happily trapped in a basement hot pot restaurant while it downpoured

lavish kindness of friends from Chinese ch who will drive us seven hours to our new home this weekend!

waking up naturally, feeling peaceful, feeling held with Drew there