Joy in Air Pollution

This begins a series of redemption stories that I am so eager to share with you, it's pure JOY!

The Hardest Year has proven to be the best growing conditions; wounds, the soil out of which of fruit and blooms are emerging.

I hope these testimonies shared over the next few days will be an encouragement to you.
Thank you for reading!

And thank you so much for your kind emails and comments in response to my previous post. I know we are loved and supported. Thank you.

What if the most basic thing you took for granted every day was taken away? Could you still be be happy? Could you still step out the door each morning with a joyful song on your lips, unshakable peace in your heart?

I thought all my joy was in Jesus.

Turns out that my joy is bound to a multitude of frail places, called: Clean Air, Physical Health, Comfort, Peace of Mind, Outdoor Recreation, Ideal Childhood for My Kids, Control...

Frail places crumbled away, and joy, tethered to them, also was removed from me.



But my young children are growing up in a carcinogenic smog, and yet shall I rejoice?

For months I said no way. (I still sometimes say no!) I need Jesus PLUS clean air.

Here's the truth. Just knowing Jesus, the marvel of who he is, what he has done for us, how he loves us, trusting in his every word, resting in his promises, delighting in his presence now, eagerly anticipating our future with him -- Yes, I will rejoice in him, I will sing for joy! Nothing can steal this joy from me, stayed on the one who is eternally unchanging.



I know there remain more crumbling places to which joy has been foolishly affixed.
Lord, let's do this. Let's get rid of those until it's just you.

"I am sure that God who began the good work within you will keep right on helping you grow in his grace until his task within you is finally finished on that day when Jesus Christ returns." (Phil 1:6)



Father and I have shared hundreds of important conversations (arguments, tears!) because of air pollution. I would rather suffer the smog and grow to know Father more deeply, than to breathe a whole lifetime of clean air and miss all the moments with him.

He teaches me to bind all my joy, hope, happiness, and peace just to him. He gives me opportunity to trust him. He invites me to know him intimately, love him dearly, cling to him alone. Because he knows that's the only way I can ever be whole, happy, free.



I look out at the grey sky, and what do I see? His love for me.
Seriously, the toxic haze has become our little cue, our little rainbow, our wedding ring, our engraved monument -- whispered words reminding, "I love you Rachel."

counting the graces

thank you Father for

running errands around the city with kids this afternoon, they're good company

Titus on a special trip with his dad, and Mike and I have the weekend together, Mike's even sleeping in my bed!

the perfect gift for little Yuanchao

Auntie Wang's company and all the good talks when it's just the two of us

privilege of reading a tall stack of story books to Mike, books he chose

cool evening

YF calls up Auntie Wang and wants to go to group with her

heartfelt responses from people who care

The Hardest Year

Who would have guessed that our sixth year in China would be the hardest yet?

The passage of time has been required in order for me to articulate the difficulties. Submerged in anxiety, months ago, it was too close to identify clearly. Now having gained retrospective distance I know.


1.  Air pollution is oppressive.

Our toxic air has affected all aspects our lives and caused intense anxiety. Dear friends and family, I know you sympathize with us over this, but having never lived in these conditions you cannot imagine all the life implications and how oppressive it is. I can't even write about this without tears swelling in my eyes.

It is awful. It is unbearable.



2.  Drew's job is demanding.

While we are grateful for Drew's job, it has put a great deal of stress on our family. Drew is not home very much. He has little rest, zero moments of true solitude in his week. Titus and Michael sometimes cry because they feel lacking for time with their dad.



3.  Jonathon is missed.

Jon's adoption was expected, joyful, good and right. Yet, there is deep sadness from the loss of someone so intimately woven into our lives. It caused an internal emotional weariness. The hardest part is the loneliness of grieving alone, the feeling that others know not the burden -- because our extended family never had the opportunity to bond with Jonathon as we did.

One year later, Mai-Mai sometimes still says, "I want Jonathon to come back."



4.  Supporter connections have weakened.

We are grateful for and need your support. It seems that fewer and fewer folks, including our sending Body, endeavor to pray and extend a word of encouragement. I feel that our efforts to remain connected are not reciprocated. To speak candidly, in my heart I feel a little abandoned.

We just need to hear you say, "How can we pray for you? How can we encourage you?"
Please regularly assure us that you are praying, and that you care. Share what is happening in your life. It makes a great difference.




5.  US trip was hard.

One might assume that after five years in China, two full months in the US would be restorative and fortifying. In actuality it was both happy and hard. We felt strained from traveling around constantly without our own space, and socially exhausted from suddenly dropping into a world of semi-strangers. We at times felt misunderstood, pressured and lonely. We waded through interpersonal conflict and were saturated in grievous circumstances.

We experientially realized that we have lost our sense of belonging in the place that was formerly, always home. Upon returning to Changsha we anticipated relief, back in our space doing our work, but we will never fully belong here in China either. That leaves us where? Nowhere, lost between worlds. And the air pollution was insufferably toxic when we arrived back mid-January...I begged for to Jesus to come take us Home.




The Hardest Year.

What's wonderful and entirely unexpected is that the Spirit is growing gardens out of these wounds.

Blooms, in a spectrum of brilliant hues, and healthy, ripe fruits in all shapes and flavors.

Allow me to rest here. Next time Drew and I would like to tell you precisely what is growing in this garden.




You now know what pains linger in the deepest places of our hearts. If you are a person of prayer, I hope you might use this knowledge to pray for Drew, myself, Titus and Michael.

Thank you, and we really hope to hear back from you.

counting the graces

thank you Father for

all the big problems are actually minuscule when I think on who you are

the kids are playing together so harmoniously today

favorite neighbors inviting themselves over for lunch, and Titus was a good helper

you prompted me to offer cups of tea to threatening, angry men

air purifiers in the house

supper is made for the day

in the most comforting place at the end of the day: Andrew's heart

Mike snuggling up next to me as I write, with his apple, sharing a blanket

message back from SRA 

After the Downpour

Frequent torrential rain is a gift, carrying away air pollution and causing mountainside gullies to surge and swell. These woods are our favorite place in this 'ol city.

counting the graces

thank you Father for

Drew pounding out his thesis, preparing and delivering teaching, excelling at work, loving and leading us at home

reset, repent

girls and boys, four kids in our house for a weekend

time, time this afternoon to Eskimo kiss, hug, tease, and read books with my little Michael

our family mantra, "we are going to live God's way" kids, "oh yeah, I forgot"...me too

quinoa, broccoli and duck

room of souls singing hymns a cappella

Tim Keller on Lazarus, Mary & Martha

running into WL in the store

Titus in the taxi recounting the story of Fiery Furnace learned in Chinese Sunday school

Mike at the breakfast table recounting the story of Philip & the Ethiopian learned at English Sunday school

the girl we had pleaded for comes home and Home

I know a man who fourteen days ago was caught up to...

Pretty sure it was in the body though.

(If you don't get my cheesy joke...click.)

While zipping by on the bus I caught a sideways glimpse of this chic new storefront a couple miles from our home. Last-last Saturday I told my coffee-loving Drew that I had a surprise destination for our morning. He and I ran there while Titus and Michael biked. 

TA-DA! The Third Heaven is run by Korean workers who have been in China for fifteen years, Changsha for seven years. Coffee and smoothies were good, but even more refreshing was learning about their specific role in Changsha. The message is being shared in numerous spheres in Changsha unknown to us -- a great reminder of Father's work, vast and deep. It's true wherever you are today too, that he is present in more spheres and deeper places than are apparent.

Running and coffee are Drew's delights. In the afternoon it was time for mine: live music! 

Changsha Music Festival!

Our city is divided by a wide river, and in center of that river is a long skinny piece of land called Orange Island. In recent years it's been cultivated into an expansive park, the ideal site for an outdoor music festival. 

Now people, this was no Bonnaroo, but it'll do. 

We saw five bands play, each very different, ranging from 3-pc garage band rock, to acoustic lounge jazz (ba ba baaa... ba ba baaa...), to funk-groove, to death metal. We left when death metal took the stage. I just can't handle the double bass pedal thing. Ow, my head.

The best of the day -- in my opinion, and I think all of Changsha would agree -- was Red Groove Project, a Shanghai-based international funk-groove band. Think Earth, Wind & Fire. They had a full line-up of horns: sax, trombone, two trumpets; plus funky bass, organ a great drummer to hold it all together; and finally slick lead guitar to duel out conversational jams with the sax player.

So the four of us Addingtons are groovin', because how can you not get pulled into to that funky beat? 

A massive crowd and not another soul is dancing, maybe there was some isolated knee-bobbing, I don't know (my beloved Chinese folks...this style of boogie is as foreign as cheese...) Anyway, we've got the kids up on our shoulders, waving arms around, all kinds of moves. The sax player (who took the stage wearing a full-on red plaid leisure suit) observes the only four people dancing, particularly the child we know as Titus, and from the stage begins mimicking whatever Titus does with his arms! Circles, claps, waves, pumps, cowboy lasso. It was the coolest! And yes we did get our sly moves projected onto that big stage screen a couple times.

I went right home and found Red Groove on bandcamp.

Start to finish, it was just such a happy family day.  

Oh! And we patronized Changsha's newish subway for the first time.

Drew, Rachel, Titus and Michael together.

I love that we have each other.

counting the graces

thank you Father for

mountain hike, splashing in gully streams and little waterfalls

fellowship: newcomers, lots of kids running around, soul-sprung music, grounding teaching, wisdom and experience shared, genuine love, laughing with S&S

Titus can be reasoned with

feeling good after running & resistance training

the golden heart of EJS

full day of learning together with children

Auntie Wang sharing her resolve not to let negative people in her life steal her joy

rainstorms that keep the air clean and make everything green

everyday, plenty of water and nutritious food to nurture my family with