The Hardest Year

Who would have guessed that our sixth year in China would be the hardest yet?

The passage of time has been required in order for me to articulate the difficulties. Submerged in anxiety, months ago, it was too close to identify clearly. Now having gained retrospective distance I know.


1.  Air pollution is oppressive.

Our toxic air has affected all aspects our lives and caused intense anxiety. Dear friends and family, I know you sympathize with us over this, but having never lived in these conditions you cannot imagine all the life implications and how oppressive it is. I can't even write about this without tears swelling in my eyes.

It is awful. It is unbearable.



2.  Drew's job is demanding.

While we are grateful for Drew's job, it has put a great deal of stress on our family. Drew is not home very much. He has little rest, zero moments of true solitude in his week. Titus and Michael sometimes cry because they feel lacking for time with their dad.



3.  Jonathon is missed.

Jon's adoption was expected, joyful, good and right. Yet, there is deep sadness from the loss of someone so intimately woven into our lives. It caused an internal emotional weariness. The hardest part is the loneliness of grieving alone, the feeling that others know not the burden -- because our extended family never had the opportunity to bond with Jonathon as we did.

One year later, Mai-Mai sometimes still says, "I want Jonathon to come back."



4.  Supporter connections have weakened.

We are grateful for and need your support. It seems that fewer and fewer folks, including our sending Body, endeavor to pray and extend a word of encouragement. I feel that our efforts to remain connected are not reciprocated. To speak candidly, in my heart I feel a little abandoned.

We just need to hear you say, "How can we pray for you? How can we encourage you?"
Please regularly assure us that you are praying, and that you care. Share what is happening in your life. It makes a great difference.




5.  US trip was hard.

One might assume that after five years in China, two full months in the US would be restorative and fortifying. In actuality it was both happy and hard. We felt strained from traveling around constantly without our own space, and socially exhausted from suddenly dropping into a world of semi-strangers. We at times felt misunderstood, pressured and lonely. We waded through interpersonal conflict and were saturated in grievous circumstances.

We experientially realized that we have lost our sense of belonging in the place that was formerly, always home. Upon returning to Changsha we anticipated relief, back in our space doing our work, but we will never fully belong here in China either. That leaves us where? Nowhere, lost between worlds. And the air pollution was insufferably toxic when we arrived back mid-January...I begged for to Jesus to come take us Home.




The Hardest Year.

What's wonderful and entirely unexpected is that the Spirit is growing gardens out of these wounds.

Blooms, in a spectrum of brilliant hues, and healthy, ripe fruits in all shapes and flavors.

Allow me to rest here. Next time Drew and I would like to tell you precisely what is growing in this garden.




You now know what pains linger in the deepest places of our hearts. If you are a person of prayer, I hope you might use this knowledge to pray for Drew, myself, Titus and Michael.

Thank you, and we really hope to hear back from you.

counting the graces

thank you Father for

all the big problems are actually minuscule when I think on who you are

the kids are playing together so harmoniously today

favorite neighbors inviting themselves over for lunch, and Titus was a good helper

you prompted me to offer cups of tea to threatening, angry men

air purifiers in the house

supper is made for the day

in the most comforting place at the end of the day: Andrew's heart

Mike snuggling up next to me as I write, with his apple, sharing a blanket

message back from SRA