Jade-Flower

Yes, I remember, you stopped by last week. I was sleeping on the couch. I was tired... you wanna come in, sit down?

I'm new in Changsha, only been here a few months. We just opened this place a few weeks ago, finished remodeling. Changsha is ok, but I'm not familiar with this place. I don't really know anyone at all here.

My kids are already grown up. My daughter's twenty-one and my son's nineteen. Can you believe that I have kids that old? I'm almost forty, haha, I'm old. I can show you their pictures on my computer here... yeah, I like to play these internet games, just something to do... ok here, this is my son. People say he's handsome. haha. He cut his bangs like that, you know, it's the style right now. My daughter's finished school, she's working. My son's in junior college, training for something. I haven't seen them for a long time. Sometimes we give each other a call.

My husband? Well...we... haven't been together for a long time. I don't know where he is, really... he's in contact with the kids though. He has helped support them. I moved across the country and got married when I was just a teenager, and had a baby right away. I was still a kid then! Just a child with a child. I didn't understand things. After the babies were born... their dad and I went our separate ways. When they were about three and five years old I moved away to find work. They stayed in our hometown and their grandmother and other family members raised them.

You want a cigarette? I smoke for something to do, when I'm bored. I don't have a favorite brand, any kind's fine, the flavor's all about the same.

That guy? Yeah, we've been together for awhile. He's alright. You know, I used to be in Shanghai doing this work for like ten years. I've been doing this work for a long, long time. In Shanghai business was fine, I could get about 35-40 yuan [US$5-6] from each customer. We decided to come to Changsha together, move our business. My man's alright, but he's got a temper and he doesn't say much. I haven't talked with anyone all day. It's really boring. This is the most I've talked with anyone today. Maybe that's why I'm saying so much.

Actually... it doesn't matter... it doesn't matter if I tell you... but no one else knows this. No one knows that I'm in Changsha now. All my friends, my family, they think I'm still in Shanghai. They call me, say, I want to come visit you... I just tell them, no, no, I'll come see you sometime. I'm embarrassed... my kids, my family... I don't want them to find out that I'm doing this kind of work. So it's a secret.

The young girl you saw last week? She came by here when we first opened, asked if she could try working here. I taught her what to do. But I haven't seen her since last week. Don't know where she came from, don't know where she went.

Sorry... I can't write my name very well. I didn't even finish elementary school. I had to start working to support the family. I'm the oldest. I have two sisters and one little brother. They all finished some level of school, junior high or university. Anyway, that's my name, Jade-Flower.

I'm glad to make friends with you too. You're welcome to come back here if you have time.

***

During our entire forty-minute conversation, I was seated on a red couch facing her back. She sat relaxed on a stool an arm's reach away, making steady eye contact with me through a mirror over the desk.