Juxaposition

Today I just wanted to show you what our middle-class houses of prostitution look like, and getcha up to speed on how the last six months of visits have been going.

Since June I've entered four different establishments, two near our home and two downtown, and met fifteen women. I felt that I shouldn't continue visiting near our home, at least for the present. So now I am weekly welcomed into two places downtown and have gotten to know three women very well. They expect me the same day, same time each week and we have fun talking about our kids, fashion, hair, make-up, weather, soap operas, food, relationships, histories, cultural differences. 

One place has two women, currently. Here, it took weeks of consistent visits for us to relax and allow our personalities emerge. Another place has only one woman. She opened up immediately. They all have made me feel comfortable and welcome. I enjoy their friendship! I am still far from the inner heart, but they are happy I'm there, and I'm glad to be there too. 

I've learned that this kind of business isn't largely considered shameful or shady. The prevalent attitude is that sex is an apetite and this is an acceptable means of gratification. Watchers on the street hardly notice when I go in and out every week, as if I were patronizing a convenience store.

I've learned the stories, partial stories, of three woman. I think it's quite an honor and a privilege to have their friendship and have gained some trust.

I've learned that these women have husbands or boyfriends, children, lots of relatives.

I've learned the prices, how it works, how they talk about it.

I've seen many, many a male patron.

I've waited in the front while she goes back with him, until he leaves. Once I had my guitar along, singing quietly in the front while my friend was in the back with a customer... she said my music sounded nice. One of the most surreal and heartbreaking experiences of my life.

I've been asked by customers if I am also available.

(To which my friends are like, No, you creep!)

I've witnessed men come in, look my friends up and down, sneer, "Isn't there anyone else?" Reject, spin around without a word and go down a few doors to the next place.

I've learned that, reportedly, some customers are regulars, some abide by the standards, others steal stuff, assault, ask for things that the women won't do and then refuse to pay.

I've been given innumerable cups of tea, pieces of fruit, warmth and hospitality.

I've been given grace when my Chinese makes me sound like a toddler.

There have been many happy moments, I'll share my favorite in another post.

They have treated our entire family to supper twice! Drew connects well with one woman's husband. They are all very kind to our kids and give them milk and cookies.

All these "I've, I've I've" This is sounding very egocentric here and it's not about me, it's about them and it's not very good writing, just unsure how to neatly unpack for you all that's been seen and experienced in the past sixth months.

Below are some facades. 

They read: teahouse, leisure, massage, foot washing, chess & cards, light fixtures.

counting the graces 

thank you Father for

none of these friendships would be if not for your design

slippers

hotel soft pillow and hotel hot shower

snuggle reading book with son under antique white comforter

one interrupted hour to study Chinese

lots of friends, from the most unexpected places

Always Happy To Use A Drill

Drew 

+ Uncle Li

+ Uncle Li's roommate

(here's Uncle Li again)

+ Alan

the man, who oversees Butterfly Children's Hospice

(aaaand here's Alan and Lyn again)

+ design

+ power tools

+ one day's work

= completed storage shelving at the Butterfly Home

It's nice when people from unconnected places get together to accomplish something good. Drew was glad to hang with Uncle Li's roommate. And happy to use a drill. Always happy to use a drill.

(Drill courtesy of Paul & Meredith Arbuckle, amidst casserole dishes and pillow shams, a wedding gift fit for the groom!)

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

counting the graces 

thank you Father for

Titus nurturing, comforting sick little brother

splashy sound of rain at night

someone gave us a year's supply of various pastas, including alphabet pasta, Titus is excited

Make Way for Ducklings storybook

Drew passed the highest level Chinese proficiency test!

Safe

You have probably heard us express already, a few times, this has been an autumn of grieving. But we do not grieve like people who have no hope! If we didn't have that hope, I'm sure we'd be despairing by now. Our home, our hearts, really are peaceful and joyful.

Aunt Ruth passed away just a few days before Grandpa Gordy. I have to tell you that this lady gave us a great deal of encouragement and support. She formerly lived in Hong Kong, her apartment was decorated with Chinese furniture and art, she loves Chinese people. So do we! Aunt Ruth was very kind to us and we will miss her.

Well, I have been thinking about grief and loss quite a bit and listening to an entire folk album exploring and legitimizing the convoluted, messy, sometimes faithless process of grieving. Karla Adolphe wrote the music after being present at the death of her friend's daughter.


first go for: Invisible Lines, Mamma Wing, Room For Me (I cry.)




Speaking of losing children. What an awful thing to think and write about, dare I?
Especially me, who has never lost one?

On Sunday evening I was taking care of a group of elementary-aged kids. Michael ran off and I could not find him, running all around the maze of 20-story apartment buildings, gardens and parking garage within the gated community. My first instinct was to check all the fountains... I called Drew immediately (he was on the 22nd floor with a group of friends) and begged the security guards to help. We called another two friends to come down. Panic set in when I saw that Drew had, after me, also run the entire course of the complex and not seen him. It was almost dark.

The mind begins to fear, the worst fears. He's floating face down in a fountain...how many breaths, how many compressions? where, which hospital, how... he got hit by a car and they panicked and took his body, he's been abducted and we'll never find him...how do we cope with this here, China... who to call? he escaped out of the complex and is wandering on the city streets lost...will the police help us?

And then prayer, sincere. The feet are speeding, the heart racing even faster but in the spirit, Trust.
Drew told me he was breathing the same prayer.
Whatever happens to our baby, no matter how evil, how tragic, unimaginable... he is in your hands, the only safe place, ultimately... and we find a way through it, cope because we are in your care... and I can already imagine your redemption, sow in death, reap in life...

Well, a grandma brought Michael Isaac down to us. She found him crying on the 5th floor in one of the buildings. He must have run into the open building and rode up in the elevator. But what if our fears had been realized? Drew and I talked later and remembered that we have the same attitude. Respect common sense precautions and move through life without dragging any fears along, even fears for our babies. Whether death or life or tragedy, they are in Father's care, safe.

Aunt Ruth, Grandpa Gordy and two other family friends who passed away this month are safe too. And those of us left to mourn have such a great assurance that we cope, even peaceful and joyful.

counting the graces 

thank you Father for

went great with a new babysitter today

warm sweater

green tea ice cream

terrible twos rebellion --this will result in a sweet three year-old, I'm sure

looking forward to Thanksgiving gathering

bathed boys

winter-thick comforter

Listen, my son, to your father's instruction

wedding rehearsal dinner

From Drew

This last week my Grandpa passed away.  It has been a time of grieving and reflecting over his life and mine.  As one of the greatest men I know, it is hard to fully understand the breadth of his influence over me. So many memories.  I will share one with you.

When I was seven or eight, Grandpa took me to change oil on the car.  I remember sitting in the mechanic shop lounge. Grandpa was asking about school, but I was distracted by a Vietnam war movie on the TV.  He changed the channel. Then he invited me to lunch – my choice. I chose McDonalds. Grandpa several times asked if I had considered other options and I emphatically assured him that McDonald’s was the best choice.  It seems simple, but the time he spent with me let me know that I was special and loved.

From Rachel

I think I first met Grandpa on high school graduation day, June 2004, at Drew's grad party in Dan & Cheryl Moose's back yard. I asked about their strange license plate: DTB-4U. Grandpa popped the trunk, dug out a copy of his book and presented it to me autographed, "To Rachel, Gordon Addington".

A few months later I was a freshman at Bethel University in St. Paul. I visited their community, First Free, occasionally on Sundays and afterwards they treated me to lunch, once at Chili's adjacent to Maplewood Mall, another time at Great Moon. Other times they drove me back to their home for a meal. I remember sitting in the backseat observing Grandpa drive, one hand on the steering wheel, the other interlocked with his bride's, resting on the center console. The tenderness and intimacy. The teamwork and service. 

Grandpa and Grandma together made a wonderful marriage, a loving family, a son named Jon who caught the love and passed it on to his son too. And that son Drew is a priceless gift to me.

So I thank Grandma and Grandpa for their significant part.

Commence photo memory reel

wedding day 2007

Titus' birth 2008

baby Titus

I'm moving to China tomorrow 2009

baby Michael 2010

visiting the hospital Great-Grandpa Gordy co-founded in Hong Kong

wish we had a picture of baby Drew and G&G here
this is Drew's brother Paul, 1984

G&G move to Hong Kong, circa 1960
little buddy front and center is Drew's dad and may I add that he is the cutest one

massive family, about eight years ago, it's grown a lot since then

meeting up in Beijing, Drew's sophomore year of college 2005

counting the graces

thank you Father for
Jana, who captured these last two photos :)
cheerful supper with a Finnish & American couple, 60+
cheerful supper with a British couple 60+
supper with Titus' classmate's family, twice
lost Michael for 10-15 minutes today, panicking, found him just before dark 
humbled by my own bad attitude
humbled by my bad guitar skills
granny at group said her parents were believers too (early 1900s)
the kindness of children in my class today

Chocolate. Birthday. Heaven.

Friday morning it was pouring rain but we had an important engagement -- open house at the new shop of the chocolate factory where Lydia works. It's a 90 minute trip, three city bus lines, from our house to the factory, but so worth it even on a soppy day.

Yes one son is using a giant plastic bag as an umbrella. Works awesome.

Lydia was very excited to invite us and a crew of administrators and teachers from the welfare institute/orphanage, her former home. Coincidentally, we arrived at the 3-day open house at the same moment as the administrators, many of whom we have met before...and one important man who we hadn't met - the Director! Inside the elevator on the way up I had an inkling it was him, I'd seen his picture before, "Excuse me, are you Mr. Long?" 

The Director is a kind man, responsible for thousands...thousands of elderly, disabled, orphaned people. Jonathon has the Director's surname as all kids abandoned to the welfare center do, like a big family. I was so impressed that these people came all the way out just for Lydia! They honored her, her supervisors and even us, expressing their pleasure with her work. Lydia's chocolate boss was just as genuine and courteous in honoring the administrators. 

Well anyway, here's the morning party which was so fun, and scrumptious, and reminded us of a Christmas tea! Wish we could have stayed longer!

Well then, Friday night was something special too, a break from the usual routine -- a birthday party with friends! The birthday man turned 31. Seriously good times. Three moms connected while kids romped in a neighborhood gym. Three dads played the blues -- guitar, slide guitar, violin and mandolin. There was fudge-y cake. Manly baijiu drinking. Genuine family love. Kickin back. Six small children who stayed up past ten watching Cinderella like zombies on the couch. Yes. 

Friendship so full and fun and loving and good, I think this might be a glimpse of heaven. 

During the birthday party Drew received a message on his phone. Grandpa Gordy passed away. While we were catching only a foggy glimpse of heavenly goodness, Grandpa moved to actual Heaven. The memorial service is tomorrow.

counting the graces 

thank you Father for

rainboots to keep little feet dry

merry parties

good men

seeing Mark, Stephen and Peter all together on skype

gift- homemade buckwheat bread

baby steps toward reconciliation here in Changsha

If you asked...

 

    

   

 

 

... I'd say that these days, we've been stressed-scrambling, nonetheless sustained and purposeful. 

Burdened at times but ever-joyful, ever-hopeful. 

Praying more intentionally. 

Growing.

Writing thank-you notes and thanksgiving greetings.

Basking in the year's most beautiful weather and taking great pleasure in the company of three little guys.

Way behind on email. 

House is, has been, a mess for days. No transformation in sight.

Devouring apples and oranges. 

Snuggling five in a bed. 

Meticulously preparing all the details of family Christmas gifts and shipping them to the US (done!). 

Yesterday when we shipped boxes, the kind post office ladies let me stay in after-hours to finish the paperwork. It was nearly six o'clock when the guard re-opened the metal gate and I emerged with three boys, hungry. Spontaneous supper date -- Mom and Sons, Dad had another engagement -- and it was the most fun ever with three good-mannered, happy, eager little eaters. Tummies full, they shared a thick car magazine at the table. I bought tea to go, Titus insisted on carrying it for me, big smile, "At school my teacher said we need to help mama. Yep I learned that." Home and in good spirits, we watched Pinocchio under a blanket, with oreos, and got boys tucked into bed just before Dad stepped in the door, 9-ish. 

counting the graces

thank you Father for

Jonathon eating noodles

a ride home 

next-door neighbors' new baby boy

other neighbor granny's handmade buns

two finished projects

conversing about the hard questions

feeling growth, we're not the same kids as last year

old Disney movies

spinach in season

sleep