Safe

You have probably heard us express already, a few times, this has been an autumn of grieving. But we do not grieve like people who have no hope! If we didn't have that hope, I'm sure we'd be despairing by now. Our home, our hearts, really are peaceful and joyful.

Aunt Ruth passed away just a few days before Grandpa Gordy. I have to tell you that this lady gave us a great deal of encouragement and support. She formerly lived in Hong Kong, her apartment was decorated with Chinese furniture and art, she loves Chinese people. So do we! Aunt Ruth was very kind to us and we will miss her.

Well, I have been thinking about grief and loss quite a bit and listening to an entire folk album exploring and legitimizing the convoluted, messy, sometimes faithless process of grieving. Karla Adolphe wrote the music after being present at the death of her friend's daughter.


first go for: Invisible Lines, Mamma Wing, Room For Me (I cry.)




Speaking of losing children. What an awful thing to think and write about, dare I?
Especially me, who has never lost one?

On Sunday evening I was taking care of a group of elementary-aged kids. Michael ran off and I could not find him, running all around the maze of 20-story apartment buildings, gardens and parking garage within the gated community. My first instinct was to check all the fountains... I called Drew immediately (he was on the 22nd floor with a group of friends) and begged the security guards to help. We called another two friends to come down. Panic set in when I saw that Drew had, after me, also run the entire course of the complex and not seen him. It was almost dark.

The mind begins to fear, the worst fears. He's floating face down in a fountain...how many breaths, how many compressions? where, which hospital, how... he got hit by a car and they panicked and took his body, he's been abducted and we'll never find him...how do we cope with this here, China... who to call? he escaped out of the complex and is wandering on the city streets lost...will the police help us?

And then prayer, sincere. The feet are speeding, the heart racing even faster but in the spirit, Trust.
Drew told me he was breathing the same prayer.
Whatever happens to our baby, no matter how evil, how tragic, unimaginable... he is in your hands, the only safe place, ultimately... and we find a way through it, cope because we are in your care... and I can already imagine your redemption, sow in death, reap in life...

Well, a grandma brought Michael Isaac down to us. She found him crying on the 5th floor in one of the buildings. He must have run into the open building and rode up in the elevator. But what if our fears had been realized? Drew and I talked later and remembered that we have the same attitude. Respect common sense precautions and move through life without dragging any fears along, even fears for our babies. Whether death or life or tragedy, they are in Father's care, safe.

Aunt Ruth, Grandpa Gordy and two other family friends who passed away this month are safe too. And those of us left to mourn have such a great assurance that we cope, even peaceful and joyful.

counting the graces 

thank you Father for

went great with a new babysitter today

warm sweater

green tea ice cream

terrible twos rebellion --this will result in a sweet three year-old, I'm sure

looking forward to Thanksgiving gathering

bathed boys

winter-thick comforter