Paint The Town Red

Rocked it this year, whaddya think?

Same as last year, we called up local-amateur-photographer-dude last minute, on Wednesday -- are you free Saturday? We shot for one hour in the countryside-style strip of homes behind our apartment, and along the foot of the mountain, and down on the campus grass in front of the library.

Saturday morning we rose groggy from slumber, then I rummaged through piles of laundry for outfits. Zero forethought, ten whole minutes of last-minute scrappiness. I was feeling thankful, the recipient of serious grace, because my red shirt and all the boys' shirts are hand-me-downs.

Pics for eyes; Punk-pop for ears. Rock it!

3-piece punk. Mike's behind the drums. Jon's on bass. Titus as frontman.
Drew and I mosh.

Punk-rocker, center, cannot be stopped.
Drummer's got his stick.

WINNER.

we'll make heaven a place on earth.
(hahaha.)

counting the graces

thank you Father for

camping: hot dogs & oatmeal on a fire, homemade wholewheat buns, playing sticks-dirt-rocks, sleeping in tent, exploring trails & gulleys

no stress and good healthcare getting Mike's split lip stitched up today

fort-making

seeing Peter and Paul, and Portia & Rob on skype

fall gourds and pumpkins

three children. these three children! so richly blessed

Auntie Wang, Woman of the Year

It is a great honor to finally introduce you to Auntie Wang, Woman of the Year!


I was nuts for our first three years in Changsha. Although local families invariably hire an auntie-helper at home, I refused. Prideful, I was out to prove I can do it myself thank you very much. Plus I was afraid that you, my American friends, would judge me to be a neocolonialist. But now it's clear to me how indigenously culturally-appropriate it is to hire an auntie. Seriously, if there isn't a grandparent around to lend a hand, or even if there is, urban Chinese are convinced that a helper is absolutely necessary. It's not because moms are generally lazy. It's because they understand something.

"The modern world has disrupted and in many cases abandoned the fundamental biological unit of human social life: the extended family. There has been so much emphasis on the breakdown of the nuclear family, but I believe that in many cases the extended family, whose dissolution has been much less discussed, is at least as important.... it can make the difference between a young couple who are able to cope and raise a healthy child and one where one or both parents becomes overwhelmed and neglectful.... For countless generations humans lived in small groups, made up of 40 to 150 people, most of whom were closely related to each other and lived communally. In the year 2000 the average size of a household was less than four, and a shocking 26% of Americans live alone.... The world we live in is now biologically disrespectful; it does not take into account many of our most basic human needs..." (Perry, 2006, p. 223)

What this is saying is, parents need help! Moms need help! Help is good and we were designed to require it! It can prevent someone from potentially screwing up her life.

Wisdom is passed down, generation-to-generation, woman-to-woman in child-rearing. It was kinda lonely and foolish for me not to have a constant, trusted maternal figure in my life and my kids' lives. Now, if we lived anywhere near our moms, we'd have it made with Jen and Louise. We'd be golden with our sister-in-laws like Mandie and Jennifer around. Or one of our aunts, or cousins, or grandmothers.

We're really missing these people. Even one weekend, a couple times a year would be something. Not to mention dad/grandpas! brother/uncles! and so forth.

So finally, I woke up and realized that, though we could never replace aforementioned people we adore, the Lord was waiting on me to accept his provision.


And who would the lady be? Auntie Wang.

Introduced by a mutual friend, Auntie Wang began coming to help me last spring, twice a week, 3-8pm. She is my confidant, my encourager, my supporter, my sister in faith. The dishes may pile, the laundry overflows, I don't know what the heck I'm going to make for supper -- but on Monday and Thursday I fear not! For Aunt Wang is coming today.

Our relationship is mutually beneficial, I'm glad to say. Months ago Wang Ayi was out of work and miserable at home, drowning in marriage and family trouble. Another sister suggested she come work at our home, to earn a little money, get her mind off heartache, be around joyful little children. It worked! Auntie Wang is, in her own words "...a little better now than before. Sometimes, I used to come to your house depressed and hopeless. Now I don't so much, do I?"

Except the problems and hurts are not at all gone. She's just grown stronger. Last night Drew and I laid our hands across her back and asked Father to look upon her trouble.


Auntie Wang, Woman of the Year.

counting the graces

thank you Father for

Qiufen just called, I've been wanting to talk to her, and she's coming over right now

and yet more opportunities to learn humility as my poor Chinese language is laid bare before all my professors and classmates
seriously great music -- bass, electric guitar, keyboard -- at Sunday afternoon group

sweet boys so delighted to sleep together in a tent on the porch

Drew wiped out on his bike, but in a traffic jam not moving traffic, so he was unharmed

enough energy and sleep to begin my days at 5am

Confidant

Xu Kai (left)

we've hung out, studied and grown together for about two years

she laughs easy and has a driving vision for her future

her apartment is a short walk from ours and she's always eager to lend a me hand

Zeng Ting (right)

bookish and quiet, yet bravely honest with her closest friends

recently married, recently started a professorship

with Xu Kai, we've been learning and growing together through mishap and recovery

 Tan Yuqian

grad student majoring in asthetics, leader in local groups

she's joyful, grounded and steady, and has a natural inclination to serve

she's the one I seek out when in need of a friend who can encourage with truth

Zhong Qiufen

first met when she was a sophomore in college; now she's a working woman

been through lots o'stuff (deaths, boyfriends & breakups, family changes like adding Mike & Jon,  graduation & job changes)

we can be completely transparent with each other

Yang Cong

neighbor and friend, practices commercial law part-time

more analytical and perceptive than the average jane, she's very smart and loves to share

it's nice to have a friend who is a mother and a critical thinker

Ai Siyuan

lookee here...my best buddy.

counting the graces

thank you Father for

getting to know classmate Xiu Xiu as she accompanied the boys and me to market

Jonathon's teachers praising him

noticing Mai Mai's hands, still small and I never want to forget these little hands

dinner guests who insist insist on washing the dishes

chances to help out Matt & Liao Sha

peeking through the window, a glimpse of Mai Mai sound asleep in his preschool naptime bed

after a long week, husband happy when he got home from work today

your impeccable timing and orchestration of a November trip

Wooing Beat-up Hearts

Recently our faithful encourager and blog-commenter, Chris from Minnesota, asked whatever became of the women I'd been visiting in brothels?

Two women in two separate establishments became my friends, Jade-Flower and Dawn. I visited them back-to-back same day, same time every week for several months. We shared good times, with other friends and family involved too, and it was almost normal. But never really normal, because they are undoubtedly the most injured, transient, abused, detached women I've ever called friends. Healthy friendships are balanced; there is an exchange and a mutuality that holds friends together. Because these women had so much vitality taken from them, our relationship felt needy and exhausting. It was hard, because I am weak.

But it was good. 

Jade-Flower texted me from Shanghai, "I moved back to Shanghai now. How are you? Is your Chinese boy doing better?"

Dawn is gone. "She went back to her hometown," said a new girl in the brothel, "and I don't have her current number."

I think, I think they know that I value them just for them. Dawn never really opened up. Jade-Flower, on the other hand, poured out her heart when I sat on her couch. We still text, just surface stuff, every now and then.

I had hoped, both optimistically and naively, that these two women would quickly get out of prostitution and we'd be good friends for a long time. But what do I know of right-timing and redemption and wooing beat-up human hearts?

counting the graces

thank you Father for

boys holding hands walking to school with Daddy, captive audience listening to another in his series of "bike stories"

new perfectly fitting stretchy grey jeans

 next-door neighbor decided to keep, not abort, her second baby

potential for an unexpected adventure - joy!

never-ending, everyday, exciting, sometimes frustrating, always secure, wonderful, like-falling-in-love, pursuit...to know you
hugging and snuggling my kids' soft faces after school each day, then chasing them on the playground, giggling

Crossed all the fair designs I schemed

I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith and love and every grace
Might more of His salvation know
And seek more earnestly His face

Twas He who taught me thus to pray
And He I trust has answered prayer
But it has been in such a way
As almost drove me to despair


I hoped that in some favored hour
At once He'd answer my request
And by His love's constraining power
Subdue my sins and give me rest

Instead of this He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart
And let the angry powers of Hell
Assault my soul in every part


Yea more with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Cast out my feelings, laid me low


Lord why is this, I trembling cried
Wilt Thou pursue thy worm to death?
"Tis in this way" The Lord replied
"I answer prayer for grace and faith"

"These inward trials I employ
From self and pride to set thee free
And break thy schemes of earthly joy
That thou may seek thy all in me,
That thou may seek thy all in me."


["I Asked the Lord That I Might Grow" John Newton, 1779; alt. Laura Taylor.]

counting the graces

thank you Father for

Jonathon's steady improvement chewing, now eating soft rice porridge, and his preschool teachers who are earnestly helping him to progress

sweet and sad goodbye to Liao Sha & Amos, an evening of the best company and the best Italian wine

we love to watch our kids growing up, inventing, working together, helping, doing many tasks independently

because of You, I am helped when all is too overwhelming, I know these tasks masquerading as critical are nothings against what matters in life

spinach salmon quiche on our dinner table, sunflower and pumpkin seeds on the salad