Auntie Wang, Woman of the Year

It is a great honor to finally introduce you to Auntie Wang, Woman of the Year!


I was nuts for our first three years in Changsha. Although local families invariably hire an auntie-helper at home, I refused. Prideful, I was out to prove I can do it myself thank you very much. Plus I was afraid that you, my American friends, would judge me to be a neocolonialist. But now it's clear to me how indigenously culturally-appropriate it is to hire an auntie. Seriously, if there isn't a grandparent around to lend a hand, or even if there is, urban Chinese are convinced that a helper is absolutely necessary. It's not because moms are generally lazy. It's because they understand something.

"The modern world has disrupted and in many cases abandoned the fundamental biological unit of human social life: the extended family. There has been so much emphasis on the breakdown of the nuclear family, but I believe that in many cases the extended family, whose dissolution has been much less discussed, is at least as important.... it can make the difference between a young couple who are able to cope and raise a healthy child and one where one or both parents becomes overwhelmed and neglectful.... For countless generations humans lived in small groups, made up of 40 to 150 people, most of whom were closely related to each other and lived communally. In the year 2000 the average size of a household was less than four, and a shocking 26% of Americans live alone.... The world we live in is now biologically disrespectful; it does not take into account many of our most basic human needs..." (Perry, 2006, p. 223)

What this is saying is, parents need help! Moms need help! Help is good and we were designed to require it! It can prevent someone from potentially screwing up her life.

Wisdom is passed down, generation-to-generation, woman-to-woman in child-rearing. It was kinda lonely and foolish for me not to have a constant, trusted maternal figure in my life and my kids' lives. Now, if we lived anywhere near our moms, we'd have it made with Jen and Louise. We'd be golden with our sister-in-laws like Mandie and Jennifer around. Or one of our aunts, or cousins, or grandmothers.

We're really missing these people. Even one weekend, a couple times a year would be something. Not to mention dad/grandpas! brother/uncles! and so forth.

So finally, I woke up and realized that, though we could never replace aforementioned people we adore, the Lord was waiting on me to accept his provision.


And who would the lady be? Auntie Wang.

Introduced by a mutual friend, Auntie Wang began coming to help me last spring, twice a week, 3-8pm. She is my confidant, my encourager, my supporter, my sister in faith. The dishes may pile, the laundry overflows, I don't know what the heck I'm going to make for supper -- but on Monday and Thursday I fear not! For Aunt Wang is coming today.

Our relationship is mutually beneficial, I'm glad to say. Months ago Wang Ayi was out of work and miserable at home, drowning in marriage and family trouble. Another sister suggested she come work at our home, to earn a little money, get her mind off heartache, be around joyful little children. It worked! Auntie Wang is, in her own words "...a little better now than before. Sometimes, I used to come to your house depressed and hopeless. Now I don't so much, do I?"

Except the problems and hurts are not at all gone. She's just grown stronger. Last night Drew and I laid our hands across her back and asked Father to look upon her trouble.


Auntie Wang, Woman of the Year.

counting the graces

thank you Father for

Qiufen just called, I've been wanting to talk to her, and she's coming over right now

and yet more opportunities to learn humility as my poor Chinese language is laid bare before all my professors and classmates
seriously great music -- bass, electric guitar, keyboard -- at Sunday afternoon group

sweet boys so delighted to sleep together in a tent on the porch

Drew wiped out on his bike, but in a traffic jam not moving traffic, so he was unharmed

enough energy and sleep to begin my days at 5am