You Did It My Girl

This week.

Wheeew.

Thank you for all your words of care and understanding.

Monday. With carefully packed bags, we brought Jonathon to meet his parents and two of his four siblings. It was perfect, really, could not have gone any better. Jonathon was happy, comfortable and confident. His Mom, Dad and sibs gently engaged him in play. He sensed their warmth and gentleness. I was blessed to be there.

You know? It wasn't too hard or emotional. At the forefront, thankfulness for everything -- Jon's life, his journey, his unique personality, his family's kindness and sensitivity toward him and all of us, our time with him, how the first meeting went, his future realized. One thousand gifts in that hour.

Went home, Mom and just two kids. At peace but missing Jon's songs, squeals, snuggles. Mike asking, "When are we gonna go get Jon?" replies Titus, "He's not coming back here, he's staying with his new family." Empty place at the table, empty bed, empty toothbrush holder. Giving away his tricycle, rainboots, winter mittens. But you know? It felt pretty alright this week. The transition was as smooth for Jon as it was for the three of us, and it was comforting knowing Jon was truly happy with his family. Titus, Mike & I connected in a way that hasn't been for three years. Did you notice our family picture on the upper right sidebar? That's the most recent one we have without Jonathon, summer 2011.

These days I've felt a sense of completion, even relief. I did it. Entrusted with this child, to care for him as my own, and I did. I feel a personal connection with God and in my spirit sense his big, strong, gentle, knowing arms around, "You did it my girl. You did it. Rest now."

Friday. Jonathon's family offered a gracious gift -- to meet them this morning for breakfast at their hotel. That's his Mom in the photo with me. Oh I am in awe and grateful that Jon is with this family, this particular family. But while Monday was smooth, Friday was tremendously difficult because today my son was no longer my son, and I saw it. Felt it. Grief is deep.

Everything is all way to raw to try to write more now even though there's like a bajillion more things to say. Here's what you should know: Jonathon is so well. Jonathon's family is good to him and all of us. Titus and Mike are well too. I'm well, tattered emotionally, bursting into tears. This is grieving and rejoicing at the same time -- comforted still in those big, strong, gentle, knowing arms.

I also have to point out that God is just relentless, seriously isn't he?! Relentless in his efforts to grow us up in faith and character by doing hard things like walking through this week without Drew by my side (traveling for work). God's relentlessness I recognize for what it is: true love.


Well, thank you for all your extra encouragement this week, and goodnight.

counting the graces

thank you Father for

you know.