These Are My People; and Things I would say to Jonathon's birth mother

Jon's been with us for one year this month. 

We could summarized his entire year with the word BRAVERY, on Jon's part.

Our part? Overcoming ignorance and selfishness to become the nurturing parents he deserves.

Jon has learned many things - walking, eating from a spoon, painting, swimming, English. His (and our) greatest accomplishment this year has certainly been bonding. When Jon first came to us he was not attached to any particular person, and indiscriminately affectionate. Now he knows, these are my people.

Drew and I have learned many things, deep things, and too many to write. I thought I could design and create my little family basically however I wanted it. Now I see that God has a more magnificent idea for Drew+Rachel+kids (terrified of the uncertainty, but glad). I felt that I was a reasonably selfless mother, until I had a child who did not reciprocate exclusive affections, and I had no sweet rewards to fuel a mother's labor of love. 

So Jon, Drew and I have grown in tandem. None of us are the same as last September.

Jonathon's adoptive status is still in the initial stages. He recently had an evaluation and we were asked to submit photos so he may be listed. Our original intent and expectation has always been that we are fostering Jonathon until another family adopts him. There remains a slim possibility that in four years, when I'm 30 years old and legally old enough to adopt a Chinese child, Jonathon could become our kiddo for life. The thought is intimidating, raising a special needs child in a society without special education, and no support or programs for special needs adults. But we take one calm step of obedience at a time; see what God has planned.

I just finished reading a book of stories from Chinese mothers who killed or abandoned their babies, compelled by the combined pressures of ancient cultural traditions, poverty, religious superstition, government population policies and the state of the current social welfare system. 

My heart bleeds for Jonathon's birth mother. She bore a gorgeous boy with round, searching eyes, a buoyant spirit and a magnanimous grin. He got sick. The doctor said nothing could be done, and the week before his first birthday, Jonathon's mother let him go. Sadly, in this culture, there is no medical care for those who cannot pay, no hospice support for dying children, and superstitious stigma against untimely death. When children are dying and need their Mommies & Daddies most, they are abandoned to the orphanage. 

Jonathon's mother perhaps lives in Changsha still, believing that the doctor's prognosis was realized; beleving that her son died. And for shame she cannot talk about or memorialize her baby in any tangible way. He is a secret now; all the memories and pain are locked inside. I wonder if she kept any of his clothes, his picture? I wonder if she had another baby?

Did she carry any hope that maybe, if Jonathon was left to the orphanage, he could receive treatment that they could not afford? Because that is exactly what happened! Your beauty, with his round deep eyes, buoyant spirit and magnanimous grin lives! 

I wish I could tell Jonathon's birth mother 

he is alive, beautiful, happy

and 

I love him like my own and I'm doing my best for him, to honor you

and 

you gave him life twice -- first, bringing him into the world, then, you saved his life by letting him go to the orphanage -- he will know that you did this for him

counting the graces

thank you Father for

that grin

the way he says, "why, why?" and, "Mommy! Daddy!" and, "shoes on!"

all the lessons of this year leading to growth

one life, saved, now tangled up in ours