Joy in Air Pollution

This begins a series of redemption stories that I am so eager to share with you, it's pure JOY!

The Hardest Year has proven to be the best growing conditions; wounds, the soil out of which of fruit and blooms are emerging.

I hope these testimonies shared over the next few days will be an encouragement to you.
Thank you for reading!

And thank you so much for your kind emails and comments in response to my previous post. I know we are loved and supported. Thank you.

What if the most basic thing you took for granted every day was taken away? Could you still be be happy? Could you still step out the door each morning with a joyful song on your lips, unshakable peace in your heart?

I thought all my joy was in Jesus.

Turns out that my joy is bound to a multitude of frail places, called: Clean Air, Physical Health, Comfort, Peace of Mind, Outdoor Recreation, Ideal Childhood for My Kids, Control...

Frail places crumbled away, and joy, tethered to them, also was removed from me.



But my young children are growing up in a carcinogenic smog, and yet shall I rejoice?

For months I said no way. (I still sometimes say no!) I need Jesus PLUS clean air.

Here's the truth. Just knowing Jesus, the marvel of who he is, what he has done for us, how he loves us, trusting in his every word, resting in his promises, delighting in his presence now, eagerly anticipating our future with him -- Yes, I will rejoice in him, I will sing for joy! Nothing can steal this joy from me, stayed on the one who is eternally unchanging.



I know there remain more crumbling places to which joy has been foolishly affixed.
Lord, let's do this. Let's get rid of those until it's just you.

"I am sure that God who began the good work within you will keep right on helping you grow in his grace until his task within you is finally finished on that day when Jesus Christ returns." (Phil 1:6)



Father and I have shared hundreds of important conversations (arguments, tears!) because of air pollution. I would rather suffer the smog and grow to know Father more deeply, than to breathe a whole lifetime of clean air and miss all the moments with him.

He teaches me to bind all my joy, hope, happiness, and peace just to him. He gives me opportunity to trust him. He invites me to know him intimately, love him dearly, cling to him alone. Because he knows that's the only way I can ever be whole, happy, free.



I look out at the grey sky, and what do I see? His love for me.
Seriously, the toxic haze has become our little cue, our little rainbow, our wedding ring, our engraved monument -- whispered words reminding, "I love you Rachel."

counting the graces

thank you Father for

running errands around the city with kids this afternoon, they're good company

Titus on a special trip with his dad, and Mike and I have the weekend together, Mike's even sleeping in my bed!

the perfect gift for little Yuanchao

Auntie Wang's company and all the good talks when it's just the two of us

privilege of reading a tall stack of story books to Mike, books he chose

cool evening

YF calls up Auntie Wang and wants to go to group with her

heartfelt responses from people who care

The Hardest Year

Who would have guessed that our sixth year in China would be the hardest yet?

The passage of time has been required in order for me to articulate the difficulties. Submerged in anxiety, months ago, it was too close to identify clearly. Now having gained retrospective distance I know.


1.  Air pollution is oppressive.

Our toxic air has affected all aspects our lives and caused intense anxiety. Dear friends and family, I know you sympathize with us over this, but having never lived in these conditions you cannot imagine all the life implications and how oppressive it is. I can't even write about this without tears swelling in my eyes.

It is awful. It is unbearable.



2.  Drew's job is demanding.

While we are grateful for Drew's job, it has put a great deal of stress on our family. Drew is not home very much. He has little rest, zero moments of true solitude in his week. Titus and Michael sometimes cry because they feel lacking for time with their dad.



3.  Jonathon is missed.

Jon's adoption was expected, joyful, good and right. Yet, there is deep sadness from the loss of someone so intimately woven into our lives. It caused an internal emotional weariness. The hardest part is the loneliness of grieving alone, the feeling that others know not the burden -- because our extended family never had the opportunity to bond with Jonathon as we did.

One year later, Mai-Mai sometimes still says, "I want Jonathon to come back."



4.  Supporter connections have weakened.

We are grateful for and need your support. It seems that fewer and fewer folks, including our sending Body, endeavor to pray and extend a word of encouragement. I feel that our efforts to remain connected are not reciprocated. To speak candidly, in my heart I feel a little abandoned.

We just need to hear you say, "How can we pray for you? How can we encourage you?"
Please regularly assure us that you are praying, and that you care. Share what is happening in your life. It makes a great difference.




5.  US trip was hard.

One might assume that after five years in China, two full months in the US would be restorative and fortifying. In actuality it was both happy and hard. We felt strained from traveling around constantly without our own space, and socially exhausted from suddenly dropping into a world of semi-strangers. We at times felt misunderstood, pressured and lonely. We waded through interpersonal conflict and were saturated in grievous circumstances.

We experientially realized that we have lost our sense of belonging in the place that was formerly, always home. Upon returning to Changsha we anticipated relief, back in our space doing our work, but we will never fully belong here in China either. That leaves us where? Nowhere, lost between worlds. And the air pollution was insufferably toxic when we arrived back mid-January...I begged for to Jesus to come take us Home.




The Hardest Year.

What's wonderful and entirely unexpected is that the Spirit is growing gardens out of these wounds.

Blooms, in a spectrum of brilliant hues, and healthy, ripe fruits in all shapes and flavors.

Allow me to rest here. Next time Drew and I would like to tell you precisely what is growing in this garden.




You now know what pains linger in the deepest places of our hearts. If you are a person of prayer, I hope you might use this knowledge to pray for Drew, myself, Titus and Michael.

Thank you, and we really hope to hear back from you.

counting the graces

thank you Father for

all the big problems are actually minuscule when I think on who you are

the kids are playing together so harmoniously today

favorite neighbors inviting themselves over for lunch, and Titus was a good helper

you prompted me to offer cups of tea to threatening, angry men

air purifiers in the house

supper is made for the day

in the most comforting place at the end of the day: Andrew's heart

Mike snuggling up next to me as I write, with his apple, sharing a blanket

message back from SRA 

After the Downpour

Frequent torrential rain is a gift, carrying away air pollution and causing mountainside gullies to surge and swell. These woods are our favorite place in this 'ol city.

counting the graces

thank you Father for

Drew pounding out his thesis, preparing and delivering teaching, excelling at work, loving and leading us at home

reset, repent

girls and boys, four kids in our house for a weekend

time, time this afternoon to Eskimo kiss, hug, tease, and read books with my little Michael

our family mantra, "we are going to live God's way" kids, "oh yeah, I forgot"...me too

quinoa, broccoli and duck

room of souls singing hymns a cappella

Tim Keller on Lazarus, Mary & Martha

running into WL in the store

Titus in the taxi recounting the story of Fiery Furnace learned in Chinese Sunday school

Mike at the breakfast table recounting the story of Philip & the Ethiopian learned at English Sunday school

the girl we had pleaded for comes home and Home

I know a man who fourteen days ago was caught up to...

Pretty sure it was in the body though.

(If you don't get my cheesy joke...click.)

While zipping by on the bus I caught a sideways glimpse of this chic new storefront a couple miles from our home. Last-last Saturday I told my coffee-loving Drew that I had a surprise destination for our morning. He and I ran there while Titus and Michael biked. 

TA-DA! The Third Heaven is run by Korean workers who have been in China for fifteen years, Changsha for seven years. Coffee and smoothies were good, but even more refreshing was learning about their specific role in Changsha. The message is being shared in numerous spheres in Changsha unknown to us -- a great reminder of Father's work, vast and deep. It's true wherever you are today too, that he is present in more spheres and deeper places than are apparent.

Running and coffee are Drew's delights. In the afternoon it was time for mine: live music! 

Changsha Music Festival!

Our city is divided by a wide river, and in center of that river is a long skinny piece of land called Orange Island. In recent years it's been cultivated into an expansive park, the ideal site for an outdoor music festival. 

Now people, this was no Bonnaroo, but it'll do. 

We saw five bands play, each very different, ranging from 3-pc garage band rock, to acoustic lounge jazz (ba ba baaa... ba ba baaa...), to funk-groove, to death metal. We left when death metal took the stage. I just can't handle the double bass pedal thing. Ow, my head.

The best of the day -- in my opinion, and I think all of Changsha would agree -- was Red Groove Project, a Shanghai-based international funk-groove band. Think Earth, Wind & Fire. They had a full line-up of horns: sax, trombone, two trumpets; plus funky bass, organ a great drummer to hold it all together; and finally slick lead guitar to duel out conversational jams with the sax player.

So the four of us Addingtons are groovin', because how can you not get pulled into to that funky beat? 

A massive crowd and not another soul is dancing, maybe there was some isolated knee-bobbing, I don't know (my beloved Chinese folks...this style of boogie is as foreign as cheese...) Anyway, we've got the kids up on our shoulders, waving arms around, all kinds of moves. The sax player (who took the stage wearing a full-on red plaid leisure suit) observes the only four people dancing, particularly the child we know as Titus, and from the stage begins mimicking whatever Titus does with his arms! Circles, claps, waves, pumps, cowboy lasso. It was the coolest! And yes we did get our sly moves projected onto that big stage screen a couple times.

I went right home and found Red Groove on bandcamp.

Start to finish, it was just such a happy family day.  

Oh! And we patronized Changsha's newish subway for the first time.

Drew, Rachel, Titus and Michael together.

I love that we have each other.

counting the graces

thank you Father for

mountain hike, splashing in gully streams and little waterfalls

fellowship: newcomers, lots of kids running around, soul-sprung music, grounding teaching, wisdom and experience shared, genuine love, laughing with S&S

Titus can be reasoned with

feeling good after running & resistance training

the golden heart of EJS

full day of learning together with children

Auntie Wang sharing her resolve not to let negative people in her life steal her joy

rainstorms that keep the air clean and make everything green

everyday, plenty of water and nutritious food to nurture my family with

Disoriented Crayfish rescued from the dangerous streets of Changsha

UMM HELLO delusional Mister Crayfish what are you doing on a busy city street?

Just trying to cross it, right. Brilliant.

Fearing that he would become a crayfish pancake under the tires of 1,000,000 cars speeding by, we had no choice but to carry out an aggressive relocation plan involving a black bag.

 

See! Water, minnows, grass, mud -- NO SPEEDING CAR TIRES -- you'll be safe here.

But Mister Crayfish was not appreciative. He was ticked.

Like a boxer, a scorpion boxer, he was bouncy on his toes and kept his fists up and ready to strike.

His beady little eyes darted around, sizing up each potential opponent as he slowly backed toward the water. He was ready to fight to the death.

Smooth, real smooth.

You didn't see that three inch cliff behind you and now you've fallen and can't get up.

You thought it was all over, but see, Titus is trying to help you not harm you.

Uprighted but unconvinced, Mister Crayfish recovers his on-guard stance and resumes backing away until his body is half-submerged in the water. Then a moment's pause and suddenly, swiftly, a flash of exoskeleton tail as he spin-dives into the water and out of sight.

Farewell! We saved your life today, but don't mention it.

Wishing you -- you, yes you reading this right now -- a very happy weekend.


counting the graces

thank you Father for

random fun things to do everyday with children, like rescuing a crayfish

looking forward to seeing YeYe and NaiNai on Skype!

I & II Thes, packed with good words

another glimpse of what the future might be

hope for loved ones who are in tough spots, always hope!

apologies and forgiveness

biking home in a pleasant drizzle, and making it inside before the downpour

Drew is good at his job, I appreciate his intelligence, people skills, commitment and hard work 

Yafei's invitation to lunch

Magnolia blooms

Mercy

A teenage girl begging on the street and I had lunch together. She said her name was Yang Yulin, seventeen, from the poor neighboring province Guizhou, left her parents and younger brother and took the train to Changsha to find a job. When I had sat on the street corner beside the girl whose black hair hid her ashamed face, inviting her to lunch, passers-by warned me, "Don't believe her, she's cheating you!" Whether or not she was telling the truth or partial-truth didn't matter to me, I was just interested in demonstrating mercy and listening. She was cautious, polite and warmed up slowly. She must not have been on the streets long, because she retained a healthy child-like brilliance -- no evidence of drugs or dehumanizing abuse. I urged her to allow me to help her in a comprehensive way, to make permanent changes and get her established in safety. She declined. And I couldn't blame her, for all she knew I might have been a sex trafficker. Trust is seldom established over one bowl of noodles.

The unnerving part of that experience was the nice-looking young man who approached us at the bus stop offering his assistance, claiming to be "just a warm, loving person." He warned me to not to let her cheat me, then told Yang Yulin not to bother me because I'm a guest in this country. We walked away, but he surprised me by appearing in our noodle shop 400 meters down the street, ordered a bowl for himself and asked if it wouldn't be a bother if he sat near us. He also asked to see the girl's ID and she refused. We ignored him. Yang Yulin finished her lunch and she and I walked down the street together. I don't think he followed us, but then again, I didn't think he had followed us to the restaurant either.

He was likely a sort of pimp, the guy who was controlling her and had placed her on the street to beg.

I am sad that for all my gentle persuasion, Yang Yulin would not receive the life-altering help I could have given her, and now she remains in serious danger. But I understand.

-----------------------

An old man was shaking violently, lying beside wooden crutches, no shoes and no shirt, begging in the rain. From the adjacent supermarket I bought him two sets of clothing, shoes and a washcloth. By this time he had retreated to a secluded spot, no longer shaking, and counting the money in his tin. He received the clothes, we talked briefly, he said he had a place to stay. I went to join Drew, Titus and Michael who were just finishing lunch in the mall.

Soon after we passed him on the way out, shaking and begging in the rain again, the bag of clothing missing. I asked him why he didn't put the shirt on, and where did the clothes go? He said he had "put it over there," motioning vaguely across the street. I noticed that his jacket was sliced at equal intervals -- not naturally worn out, but perhaps altered to appear ragged. Because the more sick, pathetic and naked beggars appear, the more pity-money they can elicit from those walking by.

We wished him well and parted ways again.

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When I was spiritually destitute -- naked, hungry, alone, sick, manipulated, a cheater and a liar myself -- the Lord loved me and showed me mercy. He radically and comprehensively changed my situation, establishing me in permanent safety.

Listen to the Spirit of God. When prompted, be ready to drop plans and offer the same comprehensive, radical, permanent help.

I cannot meet every physical need that I encounter, nor am I called to. Jesus on earth did not even meet every physical need that he encountered. 

Whether or not the person in need is lying does not matter. Mercy.

Clothe the naked. Feed the hungry. Give water to the thirsty. Whatever act of love is done for the least is an act of love toward Jesus himself.

Prayer is a unique and invaluable help that I can and must give.

Rest in the knowledge that the Father sees and cares for each one.

------------------------

counting the graces

thank you Father for

especially fun Mom & kids night with neighbors, sharing the message, Auntie Wang and I working as a team

discovering a new fruit, Boluomi

Drew's successful networking trip to HK

new friends who came to Changsha to adopt their daughter, a lovely girl, their testimony and shared wisdom about China adoption

revisiting the hotel where we met Jonathon and his family for breakfast, the memories of that huge life moment

Mandie's success at her job

birds chirping

re-falling asleep on Drew's chest in the early morning

a place of prayer on the mountainside green

realizing that you had stripped things away so I would learn to fix my happiness only to you

Sharing his inheritance, shall we not share in his sufferings?

Yesterday was Mothers' Day -- a good time to explain the story behind a song inspired by and written to honor my Mom.

In recent years my mom has been a model of integrity and trusting in God to vindicate. She's walked confidently in the light of truth and not been shaken by slander, nor by ridicule for being a Christian. I was in a coffeeshop thinking about her situation, looking over passages about suffering for identifying with Christ. This song was the spontaneous product of that contemplation. I really wanted to celebrate, affirm, and encourage my mom for her outstanding example.

Relevant passages:
1 Peter 4, Romans 5 & 8, 2 Corinthans 4 (my long-time favorite), Matthew 5, James 1

The woman of high honor, at center,

surrounded by a handful of people who owe their very lives and happiness to her.

Brothers, don't be surprised 

Fiery trial burning all around you 

Beat down and vilified for Jesus' name 

You're blessed, glory rests on you 

You shall not be ashamed, glory in Christ's name 

You shall not be ashamed, glory in Christ's name 

I'll rejoice when I share in Your suffering 

I know that one day I'll share glory with You 

I'll rejoice when I share in Your suffering 

I know that one day I'll share glory with You 

Light and momentary 

An honor, this cross to carry 

Tested and refined in the fire 

Entrust your souls to a God who's faithful 

I'll rejoice when I share in Your suffering 

I know that one day I'll share glory with You 

I'll rejoice when I share in Your suffering 

I know that one day I'll share glory with You 

Brothers, count it joy 

Trials lead to perseverance, perseverance to completion 

Sisters, don't be surprised 

Sharing His inheritance, shall we not share in His sufferings?

counting the graces

thank you Father for

Jonathon's birthday with his loving family

restful Monday morning with pouring rain

Titus and Mike initiating, arranging their own snuggle and play time in bed this morning

finding Panda Max and Birdie in my bed

being outside with the little Sunday school kids 

laughing laughing with Leslie and Stacy

Hong Kong Fairy, or, A Boy's Life

Toad catch and release.

We brought one toad home for a couple days but didn't know what to feed him.

He returned to the swamp.

Winter basketball camp!

Dad helped a couple times.

Biking. Always Biking.

Preschool/Kindergarten.

This school has exceeded our expectations. We just love it.

Somehow, it's truly a notch above typical public Chinese pre-Ks.

It was a surprise gift from God to be planted here!

We had no idea how good this place would be for our kids.

Titus' head teacher is Mrs. Xuan.

(by the way, Titus is registered for primary school -- first grade starts August 25th!)

Mike's head teacher is Mr. Chen.

My favorite of Titus' works.

The Zebra-Giraffes look gleeful! A reflection of Titus' heart, I think. Glee.

The boys have a close relationship with their Chinese tutor, Big Sister Qingzi.

Together they read books, practicing writing and recognizing Chinese characters.

A recent college grad, this winter she was promoted to be a head teacher at the boys' school!

Mountainside woods.

This rock is their spacecraft.

Sadly, sometimes we can't play outside when the air quality is so bad that it's harmful to our health.

Sometimes we have to wear masks going from place to place.

Two weekends ago we planned to go camping on the mountain.

Air quality was so bad we had to cancel our outing and remain inside, windows closed and air filter on.

Drew decided that toxic outdoor air wouldn't ruin our fun.

Indoors, he and the boys built a wooden cart together.

We set up the tent in the living room.

Our kitchen's cooking apparatus is basically a camp stove anyway, so...

That same day this shoe cabinet tipped on climber-Michael, a glass door shattering all over his body.

One elbow was a little sore, but other than that he was unscathed!

Thank God for his protection.

A rain and wind storm came through and temporarily cleared up the air pollution.

Our neighbor Miao Miao came out to ride the wooden cart too.

Since our housing complex is cut out of the hillside, we have lots of runs for exciting rides!

Titus began piano lessons with a local teacher, Mrs. Shi.

We scored a sweet deal on rental piano that sounds beautiful.

Music is a joy and a valuable skill that I want Titus and Mike to posess.

Right now Mike is all about cooking eggs for breakfast.

Right now Titus and Mike adore their dad.

Dad is their favorite playmate, their best buddy, their main dude, their hero and superstar.

They like to go on dates with him.

They like to do construction projects with him.

(Drew got the boys their own tool sets and tool boxes.)

They like to build Legos with him. Always Legos.

We are not homeschooling formally, but I am teaching the boys basic reading, writing, math.

Every day Titus comes home from school at noon, and we learn together until 2pm.

Then we go get Mike, who is just waking up from his nap at preschool.

The 12-2 timeslot alone with Titus has proved to be invaluable.

Titus has learned so much this spring!

As his teacher, it has been so rewarding for me to celebrate his progress.

At home we also learn Chinese.

This is one of our character-reconition games: name the character, use it in a sentence, eat a treat.

Upon losing his third tooth, Titus said:

"Uncle Jared told me I can put this tooth under my pillow, then the Money Fairy...err...the Tooth Fairy will come and switch the tooth for lots of money! That's you, haha, YOU put the money there!"

Mom: "What is a Fairy?"

Titus: "You know, like the Hong Kong Fairy."

Mom: "What?"

Titus: "That Fairy in Hong Kong, we have ridden on it with Ye-Ye."

The Star Ferry. Fairy. Ferry. Fairy.

The boys have a web of meaningful relationships in our community.

At school they have a classroom full of little friends.

Titus' favorite friend is a tall girl called Tian Tian. 

Titus sneakily places candy into her pink Disney princess backpack. 

He started doing this and she has come to expect it, now they have some kind of quota system.

Mike says his favorite friend is a girl named Hui Hui.

Auntie Peng has been doting on Titus since he was a 5 month-old baby.

Lydia and Li Ci had the idea to surprise Titus and Mike (and me...) with a gift: love birds.

They said Titus and Mike are growing up and old enough to learn how to take care of a pet.

Ok!

Now we have a pair of birds in a big cage on our sunporch.

In theory Titus and Mike change their water and food every day and clean the cage every weekend.

Here's my old friend Qiufen.

Whenever a friend comes over I typically ask him/her to read a Chinese storybook to Titus & Mike.

Grandparents.

Nothing can top the Grandparents Four.

Sometimes I grieve what Titus and Michael do not have.

Clean air, family, green lawns, baseball, a superior education, a definite social-cultural identity.

Nonetheless,

I know God is gives them an abundant, special life.

They are loved. They are secure.

They are walking the faith journey with their parents.

God is working his purpose in and through their lives right now.

counting the graces

thank you Father for

strength you have supplied this week to stick to the plan

when the AQI is good and the windows can be open

family day today, a run, a surprise for Drew, a music festival 

evening walk with Drew

John 11 -- walking in daylight, the light of God's truth, I will not fall

Auntie Wang is encouraged